Lessons from The Geneen Roth Workshop + My Life-Changing 6-Week Food Challenge
I'm Amy, and I'm an escape addict.Every time I feel feelings of any kind, my tendency is to escape them because emotions mean instability... or at least that's what my past has taught me.I've come a really long way since my darkest days, but I've just recently realized that some of the coping mechanisms I picked up during my recovery aren't the healthiest.
For instance: food.I'll tell you the nitty gritty in a few months, but the gist is that I was using food to escape my life. I'd numb out in front of the TV at night with a bowl of whatever and just SCARF. Not even sure what I was eating or what it tasted like, but just needing that repetitive motion, that rush of dopamine, that dulling haze lifting me up and away from reality.
I didn't know how to relax without it. More honestly, I was afraid of being with myself. I never learned how. I learned over the years that emotions are unsafe; that feeling them leads to making people around me uncomfortable and thus, to rejection. So I subconsciously started finding ways to avoid feelings.
And it wasn't just the bad ones either; even celebration demanded to be eaten over. If one can't deal with bad emotions, one can't deal with good ones either.
And so it's been off and on for the past however many years. I would go through phases in which I would force myself not to eat at night by challenging myself to 30 days without it. Without dealing with the underlying cause of the snacking, it was torture. I felt restricted and anxious around food, which made me obsess over it even more. So I'd keep up with it until the end of my challenge parameters, and then go straight back to it afterwards, full-force.
I continued that cycle until I woke up a few months ago thanks to a good, straight-shooting friend of mine (again, more on this in a few months). I finally realized that I was using food, work and isolation to numb myself out of life.
So I decided to attend the Geneen Roth Workshop at Kripalu Retreat Center in Stockholm, Massachusetts. It wasn't even that I was looking for it.
When I went to sign up for Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 2 (as I was already planning to attend), fate would have it that on the homepage, Geneen Roth's workshop was happening the weekend before SJM2 started!I've been a fan of Roth's book, Women, Food & God*, for years (I've written about it here). This book was my first awakening to what life could be like without food obsession. So I thought, "What do I have to lose?" and signed up the next day.
While it wasn't what I thought it would be (it was a much huger group than I expected and less interactive), I took away a ton of notes, many of which I'm saving for things to come (so many mysteries in this post!). A few, I wanted to share here.Here are my 5 Top Takeaways from the workshop:
May the force be with(in) you
Trying to diet, restrict or otherwise use outside force to power oneself into eating right will never stop emotional eating. All it does is backfire into binges or other disordered behaviors. To truly change the habit, you have to come at it from within by addressing the voices you've been trying to shut up with food.
The Two Voices
Roth spoke of the two voices that live inside us: the big, scolding one, and the small, inner child one. The inner child is the one that is screaming to be heard. This is the one that needs something from us that isn't food (like love and attention), but sometimes we can't hear her. The big, scolding voice is often too loud, screaming about how different you "should" be and berating you for not being perfect.
When we ignore the child voice and give the scolding voice all our attention, we misalign our needs. We start to believe that the scolding voice speaks the truth, but its only real purpose is to maintain the status quo... which for most of us is exactly what we don't want. Because if your status quo is a place of not knowing how to feel, beating yourself up all the time and thinking that every negative thought you have is true, then you need to change it.
When we have the courage to face our child voice and address it with love, awareness and kindness, we become invulnerable. Our needs get met emotionally, and so we no longer need food to cope.
How you do anything is how you do everything
When one eats emotionally, one probably avoids tough things in the rest of their lives, too.
Do you get overwhelmed easily? What do you do to deal with that overwhelm? Do you get hit with panic when something doesn't go exactly like you expect it to go? What do you do when that happens?
Do you worry or sit in fear through most of your day? How do you handle those worries and fears?Pay attention to the way you address life, and it will open your eyes to your relationship with food.
Have it while you have it
I talked about this in this post, but let's revisit it here just in case you haven't read that one yet.If you're rushing through a meal only thinking of what you need to do next or how much you don't want to feel your feelings, then you'll likely get to the end of said meal and still not feel sated by it. Conversely, if you allow yourself to actually be present with what you're eating by savoring it, taking your time and paying attention to the flavors, smells and aromas, you in turn allow yourself to be sated by it.
When you don't experience it, you'll never be sated by it. 1 cookie tastes the same as 10. Let yourself eat that cookie without guilt, really tasting it. Take your time. Live in the appreciation for that little bit of Heaven for a few moments.If you want another one at the end, try having one, paying attention to your body's actual desire for more. When you get to 3, it's likely that you'll be over it. At least, that's what I found on my 6-week experiment...
Eating without distractions is LIFE-CHANGING
On the very first night of the workshop, Roth gave us an assignment: eat every meal/snack for the rest of the weekend without distractions. That meant no phone, computer, book, music, or anxiety-provoking conversation.I love challenges, as you well know. So I took it on immediately... and decided to commit to it for 6 weeks.
How eating without distractions for 6 weeks changed my life
My 6-week distraction-free eating challenge started while I was at Kripalu Retreat Center... which is kinda cheating because they have a silent dining room and virtually their whole premises are cell phone free. For the remainder of the workshop and through Spirit Junkie Masterclass Level 2, I ate every meal in that room, concentrating on savoring every bite.
The way I react to food has changed completely.
Instead of focusing on where my next meal is going to come from, I'm able to enjoy the presence of my friends and husband. Instead of thinking about how much I'm supposed to have versus how much I want to have, I'm actually tasting my food. Instead of barreling through a meal and waking up at the end wondering where all the food went, I'm stopping when I'm full.
I'm effing stopping before my meals are done! Guys! That would have been unfathomable and crazy anxiety-riddled just 2 months ago!!!When I actually taste my food, I realize that I don't actually like a lot of the food I was eating. I was just eating it because I knew I was "supposed" to eat it. So I've been trying new recipes and mixing up my standbys that I've grown tired of, which has led to me becoming even better nourished than I was before.
Here's another HUGE benefit from eating this way: I've been gathering the courage to actually feel my feelings. I cry more now, but it passes much more quickly than when I was refusing to address it. And it's usually not the horrible, overwhelming, soul-wrenching-cry because I don't let it build up to a deluge anymore.
Now that I've taken this challenge for the last 6 weeks, I have more awareness around why I want certain foods and the triggers that lead me to reach for food in the first place. I no longer eat if I'm in an emotional or anxious state. I ask myself what I really need instead, and so I'm able to address the child voice and be much more loving to myself than ever before.In a short time, I've developed healthier coping mechanisms and picked old ones I'd forgotten about back up. I'm journaling more often, meditating and saying what I need to say when I need to say it.
And for the first time in my life, I feel free from food obsession. Just by having what I have when I have it.
Sound like a pretty cool transformation? Well, why don't you join me? :)))Here's my challenge for you if you're brave enough to accept it:
For the next 6 Weeks, challenge yourself to eat at least one distraction-free mindful meal per day.
I'm a bit of an extremist, so I went for all mindful, distraction-free meals. If that's too overwhelming for you, then start with one per day like the challenge states. If you want mega-transformation as soon as possible, go for all meals and snacks eaten this way like I did.
The rules for your mindful, distraction-free meals are:
No distractions (phones, books, magazines, TV, anxiety-provoking conversation, etc.)
Pay attention to your food while you eat. What does it taste like, smell like, feel like in your mouth?
Check in with yourself throughout your meal every 3-5 bites, take a deep breath and bring awareness to your stomach. Are you still actually hungry?
Be rigorously honest with yourself: stop eating when you're actually full. The only way you'll get to this point is if you stay mindful throughout the meal (let yourself have what you have!).
I truly believe that this challenge can change the way you approach food. It's not going to be easy, but man, will it be worth it. Are you with me?
Comment below with, "I'm in" to join!
Wishing you freedom.
Stay strong,
Amy
*affiliate link. Read about what that means here.