Reflecting on Projecting
I'm writing from my amazing fully-furnished, luxury apartment, courtesy of Oakwood Apartments Worldwide. Thank you thank you thank you to Ana, Phoebe, Rob and Matthew at Oakwood for donating 4 nights at their centrally-located, fully decked-out Midtown location to The 30x30 Project. I am beyond grateful.For more information about my beautiful NYC digs, click here.I'm in NYC for the first time in 10 years, and I have to say that I'm experiencing quite an array of emotions.I rode the Peter Pan bus in, arriving 45 minutes behind schedule because the driver had to do a "bus safety check" (i.e. stop at Burger King). I was already anxious about being back in the city where all the s*** hit the fan for me.10 years ago, I was in a very dark place. My memories of this city consist of sobbing uncontrollably while my wide-eyed college roommates stood looking at each other, helpless; long nights drinking bottles of cheap wine; and walking home every night while talking on my phone for safety in a BAD part of town...I came to New York, expecting over-stimulation, rude, abrasive people and days locked up in my room just to get some peace and quiet... because that's how I left this city. That's what I remember.As the bus turned down Columbus Ave from Harlem, memories wafted back like a wave in the face as we drove by my old dorms on 79th, and continued down my old walking route to school.My head swam in anxiety, sadness, and... relief?As I looked out onto all these memorable places and routes, I felt a deep sense of relief for not being in that darkness anymore. The sensation shocked me enough to break me out of the act of projecting, which I was doing without realizing it.
I started simply taking in the city without projecting my past onto it. I checked in to my beautiful apartment, which is pretty much the opposite of my windowless bedroom in Bushwick-before-it-was-hip that I lived in before. Nearly everyone I talked to on my way through town were all very warm and courteous.I walked all around Greenwich and the West Village from Midtown in the rain on Monday just because I wanted to take in the city. Instead of feeling over-stimulated, I became inebriated with the life and culture of my surroundings.The parks seem more beautiful and green this time around. The architecture more striking. The people more engaged and downright fascinating.I discovered some near-perfect coffee shops to work in with welcoming, helpful baristas (my favorites so far being McNally Jackson Bookstore Cafe and The Coffee Foundry). And I became inspired all over again...When I stopped projecting my past onto my present, my experience became a beautiful surprise.Have you found the same to be true for you?
Many people who have a history of trauma, depression, anxiety, or otherwise bad times, can project their past onto situations or even people, which keeps them from actually experiencing the present.
In fact, we're all guilty of this, mental issues aside.When was the last time you walked into a situation and were surprised that it didn't turn out like you thought it would? I talked about the idea of opening up your perspective in Explore Happiness & Remake Your Life. Today, let's talk about how you can avoid projecting, and allow yourself to experience life anew.
Why Projection Happens
When you project your past onto your present, you are inviting that experience into your life yet again. If you, like me, have a darker past, it can keep you from seeing the good in your present surroundings. It can keep you from being surprised... which is why most people do this in the first place.It's a subconscious decision to project; your mind says, "Ok, we've been here before and it was crappy. Don't expect anything better this time around, you'll just be disappointed."Don't be mad at your subconscious. She's just trying to protect you, overbearing supervisor that she is.What your subconscious doesn't realize is that projecting can cause more harm than protection. If you work so hard to put your past behind you and move on to a better, happier life (as all of us here at Strong Inside Out work to do), what good does it do us to dig that past back up and throw it back into our present?That's exactly what's happening when we project.
Common scenarios in which projecting may occur for SIO readers:
- Trying to get healthy after a history of overly strict dieting or exercise
- Talking to a new therapist or support group
- Trying a new workout regimen or method
- Walking into a crowded room as an introvert, having been teased or otherwise unwelcomed in the past
- Starting a new relationship
The Path to Presence
The only way to stop projecting is to become aware of the fact that you're doing it at all.How do you know if you're projecting, or if you're actually taking in the situation for the first time?First, stop any cycling that may be happening in your head by taking a deep breath in slowly and letting it out even more slowly. Find your calm, then ask yourself these questions:
Am I comparing this situation to my past situations?
Am I looking for things to be like they were last time?
Does my perception rely on tangible facts, or is it tied to emotion that isn't rooted in this moment?
If your answers lean more toward the affirmative, you're most likely projecting your past onto your situation in the present.Take another deep breath and look around.Bring yourself back into the present by centering yourself on a few of the things going on around you right now.What does it smell like? Is it cold, hot, windy, raining, dry? What does it sound like?If you're projecting on a person, root yourself in how this person makes you feel NOW. Don't worry about what the future holds, or what they did in the past that upset you. What are you getting out of this now?Use all your senses to become mindful and root yourself in the present moment.
The Fast Track to Kicking Your Projection Habit
If you find that you're constantly projecting, your past is obviously still affecting you today. Have you dealt with what happened to you?Even if this wasn't what others would deem a traumatic experience, if it's still bothering you, it was traumatic to YOU. It affects your world.If this sounds familiar to you, I highly suggest that you find someone to talk to and an outlet for the energy that your past brings up.You have to deal with your past in order to move forward.It's so scary. Believe me, I know. There's just no way around it.As frightening or daunting as it may seem, taking the reigns to deal with your past is empowering. The simple act of making the choice can get you halfway there.So do exactly that today if you haven't already. Talk it out. Get it out. Let me know how it goes.*****30x30 is hitting Philly and DC this weekend! Are you coming? Check out the details on the map by clicking here.Also, we've added Austin to the list! Texas, you ain't quite done with me yet. ;) May 12, hope is coming for y'all. Details to come very soon...The tour is already wrapping up. Rather than getting sad about it, I'm choosing to dance about it. Care to join me?Cool! See you soon. ;)With hope and fire,Amy