How My Race Training Taught Me That I'm Enough
When I first signed up for the Disneyland Half Marathon 2009, it was because of two reasons:1. I wanted to challenge myself.2. It was an excuse to go to Disneyland and wear my Winnie The Pooh ears (Disney dork alert!).I knew the training would be hard, especially since I hadn't run more than 4.5 miles since my pathetic stint on the cross country team in high school (my captain constantly told me to stop complaining). I was excited to try something new! I was excited to have a different program to follow that would test me in ways I'd never been tested before. I had no idea that, in addition to the physical demands, I would be tested emotionally as well.At the beginning of my program, my boyfriend and I started having "talks." Oh, the dreaded talks. "Are we in this for the right reasons?" "Are we just comfortable?" Talks that would make me want to shrink into nothing. "If I lose him, I'll have nothing," I thought. I'd have to be (*gasp*) alone, then heal from the breakup, then date (which is one of the nasty four-letter words in my book), then find someone else. How would I ever find someone else in LA? This boyfriend understood me so well. We had the same interests, the same sense of humor. Even though he treated me like he didn't want me around sometimes... a lot of the time. Even though I felt like I was hiding when I was with him. Even though I felt like I was apologizing to him just because I wanted to spend time with him. My whole life revolved around him. I LOVED him. I NEEDED him.One month later, he told me he was moving across the country. And I wasn't invited.Ouch.My running program was my saving grace. Running was the one part of my day that I could count on to be there. Though it was grueling- especially since I was living in North Hollywood that summer, where the temperature was typically 10-15 degrees hotter than the rest of LA (read: 80 degrees out at 7 am for my long runs)- I knew that I had a program to stick to. If I didn't , I would suffer in the race. I wouldn't make my goal time of 2:10. I would be letting myself down.I could control when I ran and when I didn't. I could control this one part of my life when it seemed like everything else was failing. This was something that I could do for me, that made me feel strong.
After 2 months of strict training and diligence to my plan, I arrived at a hotel near Disneyland with my family. My Mom, Dad, Brother, and Brother's girlfriend (now sister-in-law :)) all came down from the Bay Area to see me run my first half. My boyfriend stayed at home.I arrived at the race half an hour early to do some dynamic stretches and warm up a bit. Although the sun wasn't awake yet, the energy at the starting line was invigorating. People were dressed up in costume, smiling and laughing, talking to people they'd never met before. Me? I stayed focused. Nervous and fearful, thinking about my life outside the race. When I crossed the finish line, what would I have? I'd be done with my program and I'd have to return to real life and actually (*gasp again*) FACE it. I didn't know if I was strong enough to handle it. In fact, I had more doubts than I did confidence in the fact that I could make it through the looming date of my boyfriend's departure. Fortunately, I didn't have enough time to go into panic mode before I heard Mickey fire the shot that began the race.Along the route there were bands playing all sorts of music from around the world, characters giving high-fives, and serene views of the park, deserted except for us crazy people that decided to run a race at 6 am on a Sunday. It was crowded, but not annoyingly so. It was fun to pass people and even to get passed by others, because everyone was having fun! Moms in Tinkerbell outfits, girls in matching princess skirts and crowns, guys in Tinkerbell outfits. This race was not about competition; it was about letting go and having fun. For the first time in what seemed like months, I felt like I could actually do just that. I let go. My legs knew what to do, thanks to my training. I let them do their thing, and I just enjoyed the people and entertainment around me. My God! I was having fun! I hadn't had fun the whole summer! I almost forgot what it felt like!I picked up the pace for the last 2 miles, when everything started to hurt. My quads were burning and my hip flexors were getting tight. When I rounded the corner of the last 1/4 mile, I saw my Mom and Dad, cheering at the top of their lungs with sheer joy on their faces. I was more or less sprinting at this point, and my Mom was yelling, "You're going so fast!" while trying to operate her new flip video cam. I felt so much love in that moment. Not just from my family, but for myself. I had finished what I started. I had showed myself that I was strong enough to do it. All in the midst of a horribly painful event in my life. If I could do this, I could make it on my own after my boyfriend left. I would be able to handle this. I can handle anything.I finished the race in 2:01 with a heart that felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and a new-found confidence in myself. I had made it through that arduous program, stronger than when I started. I had done better than I expected. NINE minutes better! I was so much stronger than I ever realized. That's when I knew: nothing could defeat me more than me. Even when hard times come-because they do- it's all about how you choose to face it. Will you be the victim? Or will you stand up and fight and grow from the experience? That was the end of my woe-is-me days, and the beginning of the rest of my life as I wanted it to be.
Since then, I've continuously set new goals for myself. After experiencing the growth that I did over my half marathon training, I'm now addicted to it! I constantly want to grow as a person as I think most of us do, and I truly believe that fitness goals can help us do that. Some goals I've achieved, and others I've failed at, but each goal has contributed a new lesson to my life. The journey to each goal can teach you more about yourself and change you for the better.So what's your next goal? Post your goal in the comments and, if you're well into the training, what you've learned from it so far. Has it taught you anything about yourself? Have you picked up more healthy habits? Is it harder/easier than you thought it would be? It's always motivating to read about other people achieving their goals because it proves that it is possible. Many people don't believe they can achieve what they set out to do simply because they've never done it before. Show off what you've done- you might even inspire someone else! And if you're having a hard time, post it here! I'd be happy to help with any fitness/wellness advice, and other readers may have been through the same thing.I found my fit through running. What's your fit?Amy