It's Just Weight

1/10/17 Note to readers: I wrote this post before I came back into recovery for my eating disorder. While it was written from a genuine place of wanting to help, there may be some triggering language in here as I was still in a place of associating my worth with my weight. If you do choose to read this, please do so knowing it was before I got the help I truly needed. Then, go read one of my newer posts like this one. xo AmyI have something to share with you.I started the Suck It, Temptation! challenge because I was eating like crap. I was taking every opportunity that came my way because my mind was in when-am-I-ever-gonna-get-this-chance-again mode.And I'm pleased to say that I am back down to (pret-ty close to) the size I was when I left just by moderating my opportunities to 3-4x/week, and adding sprints to my weekly regimen.I've picked and chosen my battles wisely, delighting in some of the local delights in each city I visit, but not going overboard and trying everything.Here's the thing: I didn't just do this just for size. It was a part of it, but it comes down to the fact that I was feeling like what I was eating: crap. Waking up and feeling bloated and lethargic was less-than-motivating when going in to a foreign community to teach a fitness class, let me tell you.I have issues with weight, just as most of us out there do. I don't think there are many of us who pack on pounds and don't get affected by it mentally.It's startling, not just from a health perspective, but from a self-worth perspective, when you look in the mirror and see change that you deem negative. It reminds you that every choice you've made in the past has led you to this point.And then the shame and guilt sets in.Today, I looked in the mirror, initially proud of what I'd physically accomplished in a month with the challenge while touring, and then, I felt a tinge of disappointment when I looked at an area that wasn't as cut as it was when I left, which opened the floodgates of internal berating for every, single off-plan morsel I'd enjoyed over the past 2 months...

I can't believe you let yourself go like that. You didn't need to eat that. Why can't you just stop and think of what you're doing to your body before you stuff your face?!

Look at you now. Personal trainers have more self control than you. Where do you get off telling people you're a fitness expert?

You should just stop eating until you look like the other skinnier fitness bloggers out there. If you really wanted to be an example, you would restrict yourself more.

And that malicious, violent voice shocked me enough to stop and realize how ridiculous this spiral was. I'm in shape. I am not overweight, and even if I was, I don't deserve anyone talking to me this way, not even me.Everything I stand for goes against this destructive self-criticism. The voice that tells me I should stop eating? That's the unhealthy voice. That voice won't get my anywhere but backtrack years of personal development.I made eye contact with myself in the mirror, and I said:

"It's just weight."

And that's the message I want to leave you with today: It's just weight.Your weight is just one minor part of your being. It doesn't make you who you are, positive or negative.Getting healthier is a goal we talk about often here on Strong Inside Out. I fully believe in the power of getting healthy from the inside out. Just be careful of the healthy, encouraging voice transforming into one that threatens to criticize you into a dangerous place.To keep yourself from fueling your inner hater, remember your root goals. If you're active and eating healthy or simply want to start, remember why you're doing it. You're not changing your lifestyle just to look hot. It goes deeper than that.If you're getting healthy to boost your confidence, focus on that. Focus on how confident you feel after really pushing yourself in a hard workout. Focus on your baseline confidence level and how it's affected by a consistent workout schedule. Focus on why confidence matters to you.What I want to tell you–all of you–today, is that no matter where you are in your fitness journey, you are worthy of love, from others as well as yourself. You are not a bad person in any way because you feel you have some work to do. You are not worth any less.You are a living, breathing, feeling being, and your weight is a small extension of that.When that voice starts piping up from the bleachers, tell her to sit down and shut up, or even better: kick her the hell out and fill her seat with the encouraging, supportive voice that your healthy journey began with.Tell your unhealthy, hateful voice to suck it, just as you told temptation to do this month. By doing both, you have a winning combination, my friends.Challengers, you have a bonus email coming your way in a couple days. I'd love to hear back from you when you get it! Stay on the lookout!Beyond that, 30x30 is about to wrap up until the very last bootcamp that will be announced within the next couple of weeks. If you're in SoCal, you can catch #28 and 29 this weekend and next! Click here to see the Los Angeles event details. Click here to see the OC event details.I go back to "real life" next week, but it's going to be drastically different than when I left.I've realized how important this movement is as it's gained ground in 18 states and 5 Canadian provinces (and counting). There are so many people out there who need this movement. There are so many people who need to know that there's a way to release their pent-up pain.The importance of holistic healing in the form of finding an outlet for the struggle is one that NEEDS a louder voice.And I'm happy to be the one with the bullhorn.More details to come as the future of Strong Inside Out starts dramatically shifting... right...NOW.With hope and fire,AmyP.S. Welcome, Synergy Fitness Bootcampers! Thanks so much for coming over to Strong Inside Out. I had a great time with you all in Austin, and I hope you keep strengthening with us here in this online community!