Lessons from The 30x30 Project Tour: Cities 17-19

Now that I've had a few weeks to come back and settle, and the Intensive has been launched, I'd love to take you back into my 30x30 experience with me.We're back on a positive note with today's round up of the next 3 cities: Montreal, Toronto and Dedham.Today, Canada comes to a close, and we begin our journey down the East Coast. Warning: It's a long one! So curl up with a mug o' Tim Horton's hot cocoa and snuggle up with some hearty life lessons...

Montreal: Speak Up

When I hit Montreal, I was ready for the few days I'd have off to just chill before teaching again. Rick was coming out to meet up with me again to travel down to New England.I wasn't quite sure what to expect in Montreal. I knew that my French was HORRIBLE, but we had made it work in Paris. It couldn't be that much worse here.The airbnb we were staying in was absolutely perfect. Centrally located, the whole apartment was ours for our stay. It was quiet, with lots of light and a calm, serene quality to it.We walked everywhere and enjoyed some great coffee shops around the area. Thankfully, most of them spoke English. We'd try to speak a little French, and the French Canadians would just start speaking English back to us. We were so grateful, and they were much kinder about it than Parisians. ;)It was a little tough coming off of Columbus and right into a new city (well, country) that didn't speak English as a first language, meeting up with Rick again after not seeing him for a few weeks.I was experiencing so many conflicting emotions. I was so happy to have Rick there with me, but I needed some time to recoup. I was fighting my urge to go explore and experience in order to nourish my introverted self with some alone time. I wanted to be with him, to have this adventure with him...But I couldn't. I wasn't available. That part of me was out to lunch.On our second day in Montreal, he asked me what was wrong, and I broke down in tears about how he expected me to be all these things I couldn't be right now, and how I had no more energy to give.He calmly said that he wasn't asking me for anything. He asked if I wanted him to go home. I started crying harder.I didn't... for the most part. A small part of me wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could crawl into a dark corner and fall asleep for a few days.I couldn't understand why I was feeling like this, but I refused to follow my instincts to shut down and kept talking. I just had so much emotion in me that had been building, I had been going-going-going for the last 2 months without stopping for a breath of air. I just hadn't let this frustration/exhaustion/fear out of my system and this comfort and ease I feel with him finally allowed an outpour of emotion.It was hard to voice what I was feeling, but after about 20 minutes, I got it out, explaining my confusion and overwhelm, and how it wasn't his fault. No, I didn't want him to go home. I wanted him there with me.I tend to take my frustrations out on those I care the most for. The ones I am closest to and that I feel the most comfortable with. I explained this to him and, because he's wonderful, he understood and we talked through how I could handle the stress a bit better from then on out (being more open with my feelings as they happen and allowing myself to rest).Had I not talked it out with him, I may have interpreted those feelings incorrectly. I might even be holding onto them still had I not let them out when I wanted to shut down.It's easy to shut down on loved ones, especially if we're feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Many of us have that first instinct to push those people who are close to us away because they're the ones who will see our raw pain before anyone else.The reason we push away loved ones or shut down to them in times of chaos, is because we don't want them to see our weakness. They know us better than anyone else, so they'll surely see our vulnerability and go running for the hills. Better cut that process short and just do it for them, right? Not so much.The people who love us want us to be happy and, yeah, it may hurt them to see you overwhelmed, depressed or anxious, but no one is sunshine and rainbows all the time. Your loved ones know that, and cannot expect that from you.Talking to loved ones about pain can be difficult, but try approaching it like this:

• I don't expect you to fix this, but I just need to vent for a second.
• I'm feeling _______. Would you mind listening as I work it out aloud for a second?
• I could really use your support right now. I'm going through a tough time and I feel myself pulling away from you. I don't want that to happen.

Just as the French Canadians spoke up when they heard our American accents, knowing that we probably didn't understand much French, you must learn to speak up, knowing that your loved ones can't read your thoughts.You won't always speak in sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you're going to have to speak in thunder clouds and hail. Can't have the rainbows without the rain, right? Ok, that is officially the MOST personal development-y line I've written on SIO EVER.The bootcamp in Montreal went amazingly. The woman who helped me hook it up, Sara, was extremely supportive and even wrangled people from nearby stores to meet us at lululemon athletica St. Denis. We ran up to the "mountain" (it's more like a hill!) and did an outdoor workout, reigning in a few extra guys who saw the cute girls in the group and decided to join. :)Montreal ended up being a good break for me to re-energize before making my way down the East Coast, and it was nice to have that time with Rick... after letting it all out.

Toronto: Light A Single Candle

We didn't have very much time in Toronto, but it seemed like a nice enough city. We hung out mainly near the university, exploring as much as we could. It was a lot more chain-oriented than Montreal, that's for sure.Torontonians remind me more of New Yorkers than Canadians. It was kind of funny, actually. It's the one part of Canada in which I felt like I was back in America! It's faster-paced and more built-up than the other Canadian cities I'd visited so far.Side note: every university building in Toronto looks like it walked out of Hogwarts. Just sayin'...While walking around one day, exploring the surroundings of the University, I came upon and unexpected piece of art on the outside wall of a mini mart.

"Rather than lift your voice in a thousand laments at the encroaching darkness, light a single candle." –Courage by Daisaku IkedaIt was a beautiful surprise in the midst of the concrete jungle feel of Toronto. Speckled with graffiti, this message shone through just like a light of a candle.After falling into a bit of negative-nancy-ing after Columbus, this lonely piece of art was an important reminder that all I needed to do to escape the encroaching darkness was to light a candle. It was time for me to let go of the frustration and choose to see the light again. The beauty of the world is what I live for now. If I didn't start looking up now, I may fall into the trap of a downward spiral.I refuse to let that happen again. I've worked too hard. I stand up for strength now, and that will always pull us through.The bootcamp was great! We did a special run club bootcamp with lululemon athletica Cumberland St. up there, and we had quite a few people come out! Thanks so much to the lululemon run club leader, Laura Sanhueza-Miller, who inspires girls to find their confidence and strength at ShapingHerEsteem.com.My candle was officially alight again.We almost walked right past that piece of art, that breath of renewal without realizing. In fact, I stopped when I saw it, but had to call Rick back to point it out.We move so fast through life that we often miss the moments of inspiration and beauty that can point us in the right direction. Instead of waiting for them to happen to you, look for them.Some people only notice the trying parts of life, so they think that's all their lives are. They focus on the seductive darkness and, because it's easier to fall into it when you're used to living in it for so long, they go to it. They are drawn to that darkness.Break that routine apart.Start looking for reasons to live in light. [click to tweet]Today, look for the good in everything. It's there. In fact, let's get more specific...

You will find 5 instances of light shining through the darkness today.

Here are some examples:

My boss gave me a ton of assignments today, but he did it because he knows I rock at this. I am proving myself in this job I've worked so hard for. I am who he goes to to complete tasks like this.

This depression keeps trying to suck me down, but I have a choice to fight it, or to give in to it. I can do something today that I know will help me feel better. I choose to fight.

I have been stuck with this extra weight for so long and I am having a really hard time losing it. Today, I can join a program to start getting healthy inside and out. I can commit to my health and my strength, and make this time my time.

There is ALWAYS a silver lining, as corny as that sounds. Happy people are usually corn balls. :)

Dedham: Let Love In

Ahhh another breath of fresh air. Rick's family lives in New England, so we had time to just chill out and hang with the fam.We got to see his niece and nephews, whom I adore. It was so much fun just to be with family again.While in New England, I headed out one day to meet up with one of the main reasons my indiegogo campaign was a success: Chris Brogan. We grabbed some coffee, and talked about life, tour stuff and everything we have on the horizon.Just a few months ago, Chris was just a hero of mine. Honest and open about his depression, Chris is an advocate of being with whatever is, and breaking the stigma that exists around it.I had put him on a pedestal with all my heroes, looking up to him but never believing that I could be a peer. I knew he was friendly, but you know, everyone has to seem friendly, right? I mean, it was probably just a show so I would buy more of his stuff...

Rick and I ended up meeting Chris for breakfast around Christmas time, and that's when I realized he was just one of us. He's a guy who never took NO as a final answer. He hustles. He's consistent. He is a rockstar writer. And he is by far, one of the nicest, most open human beings I have met. This is why he's successful; because he gives himself to everyone he meets.

When he learned about my project, he got right behind me in supporting my efforts through promotion on social media channels and donating. You can see a little of how I repaid him in this video.This time, when I met up with Chris, it was like seeing a good friend I hadn't seen in a long time... because that's what it was. One who had done something incredibly nice for you... like making your dreams a reality. ;) It was so comfortable and refreshing, just like hanging out with family.Dedham was the recharge I needed to get me going for my trip down the East Coast. Thanks to lululemon athletica Legacy Place and their ambassador Lauren, we hooked up a great space. Held at Solid Body Fitness, a CrossFit-inspired gym, we had a strong, enthusiastic group. This one was extra special...Half an hour before the bootcamp was due to start, I was foam rolling out the tightness that had been building from hours sitting in planes, trains and automobiles, when I saw someone come in early. I usually try to attack people with hugs as they filter in, so I got up and walked toward him......to realize that it was my good friend, Dave Ursillo! He had driven a couple hours to make it to my bootcamp as a surprise! I screamed and gave him a hug that threatened to be bone-breaking.Dave is another example of someone more successful than I was who I'd reached out to online a year and a half ago because I admired his writing and openness about his own bouts of depression. We ended up becoming great friends and still are.We got to talking, and as other people filtered in, I milled around to meet n' greet with people. I got to talking to a big, burly guy about what the bootcamp entailed, and how it was going to be a different kind of challenging than what he's used to. He chuckled."You know we do CrossFit here, right?" he said as he looked down at me."Yep," I smiled.He looked amused, "So, you know... we'll be ok.""Ok great!" I smiled bigger. To tell you the truth, I was a bit amused as well. He had no idea what was in store for him.It was a bit condescending the way he said it, but I took it as more of a challenge than any kind of insult.Halfway through the bootcamp, I sneaked a peak over to him... Hands on knees, panting, sweating buckets, he gave me the look of death... with a hint of a smile in his eyes that said, "You got me, girl."I winked and continued to show them just how hard a little girl like me could push them.I didn't take his condescension as a threat. I didn't let it intimidate me. I just focused on adapting to the situation at hand, CrossFit-ized some moves and proceeded to give them a workout to remember.Whether it's immediately judging that someone's not up to your level, or that they're way above your level, you have to remember that people are just people.We are all on the same level. No one is higher or lower than you in worth.On that same note, there is so much love for you out there from people you would never determine to approach because of these judgments. I felt it from Chris and Dave. I sent my love out in the form of an über-painful workout to the big, burly guy in Dedham.If you're on the fence about reaching out to someone you've admired for a long time, just do it. What's the worst that could happen? You find out that they are too busy to connect right now or that they're not interested? That doesn't sound too bad to me. Not nearly as bad as the fear that will live in you until you do it.In order to let the love in, you have to open up to it. [click to tweet]

I feel like I'm just swimming in the love now that I've met so many beautiful souls along this tour. I don't think it's fully hit me that it's actually over.

Well, about that...

The 30x30 Project Tour is officially over, but the movement is just beginning.

There is a LOT more coming for Strong Inside Out and this movement.

Want to be a part of it? Stick around. Your chance is coming.

With hope and fire,

Amy