If you've woken up to the fact that diet culture and extreme fitness culture aren't worth the detrimental effects to your physical and mental health, hooray! Welcome to performance health recovery!

Unfortunately, just because you've woken up doesn't mean the people around you have–you may be in for a lot of unwelcome advice and comments because most people are still riding the diet/extreme fitness culture bus.

There are a whole bunch of things that performance health conformers say in an attempt to be supportive, but actually end up doing just the opposite.

They probably don't mean to be shitty about it; they're just preaching what they know...even if it is outdated, harmful, scientifically incorrect garbage. :D

When the people around you are all wrapped up in performance health, it can be tempting to head right back into it if for no other reason than to shut them up. Don't do it!!! This is not a "can't beat 'em, join 'em kind" of scenario, babe. This is a stick to your guns and stand up for yourself scenario, and I'm gonna teach you how to do just that.

Below, we go over a Mental Optics reset on the whole diet and exercise "tips" thing, followed by my recommended way to respond to performance health (PH) pressure-ers with love. Since it's me writing this, I have you doing it all while standing your ground and hopefully giving them the big fat hint that they're "advice" is no longer welcome. Read it and rise, baby!

The Hurtful Comment

If any of this sounds familiar, then you're in the right place:

Should you be eating that?
Maybe you should work out more.
You should really try X diet/workout program.
Maybe intermittent fastingwould help.
X diet/workout program helped me/my friend lose X pounds! You should try it!

These PH pressure-ers want nothing more than to enlighten you with the diet or workout program that has CHANGED THEIR LIIIIIIIFE...or the life of someone they know...or heard about somewhere.

There are a couple reasons people pressure others into performance health:

They care about your health and truly believe that this will help.
They have to be the one with the answer. Some people get high off knowing better. You know the ones.

Let's be real: it might be both. :|

Check Your Mental Optics

First thing's first: let's acknowledge that some people really like their diets and workout programs, and some people really have been changed by changing the way they eat or move.

Now, let's acknowledge that you're here reading this because you're not that person. Going to extremes with your diet or fitness regimen has only led you to imbalance and worse health in the long run.

Even if their diets work super well for them, doesn't mean that they're going to work for you.It's not just about what's included or restricted; it's about how limiting your food intake and putting foods in good or bad categories affects your mindset.

Believe it or not, most PH pressure-ers pressure from a loving place. They just don't know that the way they're showing that love is hurtful. Time to set them straight.

How to Handle It

The best way to respond to PH pressure is with this 3-step script:

Acknowledge their achievements or knowledge.
Express gratitude that they want the best for you.
Let them know you've got you with a strong, confident declaration.

Of course, if you feel like one of those steps isn't necessary, cut it out!

Below, I've put together some lines that can help you piece together a script that'll shut down hurtful diet and exercise tips. Try saying them out loud to yourself before you actually use them. How does it feel? Can you own what you're saying? Do you want to change a word here or there? Adjust it as you will!

Without further ado, here are a bunch of options to help you set some killer boundaries.

1. Acknowledgment

That's wonderful that you've found something that works for you!
Wow, that sounds interesting. (or just "Wow")
It's great that you've found a way of eating/moving that makes you happy.

2. Gratitude

Thank you for your suggestion.
Thank you for caring.
I can tell you want the best for me and I'm so lucky to have such a compassionate person in my life.
Thanks for that information.

3. I've Got Me

I've found something that works for me, and I'm gonna stick it out.
I'm working on some stuff on my own, but I'll let you know if I want more information.
I've actually realized that diets don't work for me, but I've found something that does.
I'm having a blast in my current eating/workout program and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon.
Working out/Dieting actually does uncool things to my brain and body so I'm not doing it anymore.

Want to make sure you're shutting down the triggering chatter? If you feel comfortable with this person, you might want to try this bonus step.

Bonus step to shut it down:

I'd appreciate it if we could skip the diet talk for a while.
I feel pretty vulnerable around this topic. Can we talk about something else?
I'm not comfortable talking about diets/extreme fitness programs because I'm trying not to do them anymore; they aren't healthy for me. Could you please not bring it up again?
I know it's not your intention, but when you bring this stuff up, it hurts my feelings.

Obviously, your script will change depending on which PH pressure-er brings it up and what they say. Reading through these lines a bunch now in order to get a handle on them for later could prove super helpful. That way you've got them prepped for when you get in the situation to use them.

For The PH Bullies

Most people will be receptive to hearing this from someone they care about. It's important to note, though, that there will be people who keep pushing for what they think is right without regard for your feelings. For them, I want to remind you of this:

It's always within your rights to stand up and walk away.

Nobody knows your body better than you. Many of us who are in performance health recovery, however, believe that other people hold all the answers to the health "problem." We think other people may know better than us because they're fitter, have more "knowledge," or have gotten results. Often, this causes us to take shit we don't have to take.

You have the right to walk away no matter what body you're walking around in, what your history is or how much health knowledge you actually have.

You call what's ok and what's not ok to talk about. If they don't listen, set that boundary in whatever way you need to to feel safe. You got this, boo.

Wrapping It Up

Getting into this standing up for yourself thing can be tough. It takes practice, self-compassion and courage to get good at it (I'm definitely still working on it!).

Here are some things to remember that'll help you stand your ground. You don't have to:

change their minds about diet or extreme fitness culture.
tell them what's happened to you as a result of diets or extreme fitness programs.
educate them on all the ways diets fail people and create long-term problems.
tell them what you are doing with your nutrition or movement.
justify why you don't want to talk about it.
stand for shit. Your boundaries are worth honoring no matter how much you think this person may know or what their relationship is to you.

I definitely could have used a primer like this when I first started getting into performance health recovery. It's everywhere, dude!

It's my wish for you that you'll take what you read here and use it to stand up for your health and your rights to look, be and do whatever the eff you want!

To refusing to conform to a harmful, outdated culture fueled on self-loathing :D,

Amy

How to Handle Diet & Exercise "Tips" When You're in Performance Health Recovery