Get Selfish
Do you take the time to love yourself?Whoa whoa whoa! That's not what I meant! Get your mind outta the gutter! :pI mean, do you take the time to really focus on your self, your sanity, the things you love to do, at least a few times a week, if not every day?In my experience working with many clients over the years, and talking to many different people, I find that most don't devote enough time to themselves. They focus on pleasing others or just getting through the day.I want to redirect that focus onto you... for at least part of the day. Baby steps. ;)Let me give you a little back story so you understand why I think this is so important...I have a long history with hating myself.For most of my life, I had a tendency to attach myself to whomever I was dating, and place my worth on how much that person loved me. I didn't pay attention to what I needed or how I felt; it was all about his happiness, his wants and needs. All my time was spent with him and when I was on my own, I felt empty.The more I talk to people about relationships, the more I realize that this co-dependence is not that uncommon.After many of my breakups in the past, I was left feeling destroyed afterwards. I made my identity So-and-so's girlfriend, so when he left I felt like a piece of me was missing, like I would never get over it and I would never find someone like my ex ever again.What I didn't realize each time, was that this was a good thing.Every breakup I had happened for a reason.And I realized that the reason it kept happening was that I wasn't selfish enough to love myself.As much as I touted self-love and confidence, I never truly felt it or practiced it before.I put on the confidence mask when I needed to, but I was always self-conscious that someone was going to see through it. Someone was going to recognize that I was a faker. I just didn't do anything to turn it around.After reading article after article after book after magazine telling me how to get confident, how to love my body and myself, I never really soaked it in. I never fully comprehended the words on the page.It was like I was memorizing dates on a timeline for history class- as soon as the test was over, I'd forget all of them.They all said that I should put myself first, and that's even what I told clients at the time. I believed it would work for other people, and it did!But I didn't believe I deserved happiness. I felt like I was worthless without someone to attach myself to and spend all my time with.
I needed someone to love me because I didn't love myself.
After my last breakup a couple years ago, I reverted to my shattered state, but I knew I was part of the problem.I knew I had driven him away with how clingy I had become. My world revolved around him and spending time with him. Whenever I was with my friends, I would be thinking about when I would see him next instead of really enjoying my time with them. I stopped working on myself and put all my effort into pleasing him.I couldn't be alone because I didn't want to deal with my issues.As broken as I felt after he left, I knew something needed to be done. This wasn't the way life was supposed to be.I started putting myself first. I started taking the time to be selfish.
- I hung out with only a few supportive people, and was strong enough to say no to others that were negative or superficial.
- I re-committed to my health after months of eating to fill the emptiness I felt knowing the relationship was falling apart.
- I found hobbies again: reading, running, playing kickball (yep, the sport that elementary school kids play at recess).
- I started dealing with the issues I was facing, instead of brushing them under the rug. It was difficult and painful, but empowering at the same time.
After a few weeks of really taking the time for me, I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin, and started to enjoy spending time by myself.Eventually, I found that I wasn't faking anymore. I didn't know this emotion- happiness- was actually something that could be felt for longer than a day at a time.But I found it! I didn't know I was looking when I started out, but it increased the quality of my life exponentially.From hating myself, I made the choice to start putting me first, and found out that it was the key to giving my full self to others.Being selfish made me more selfless.You can make the change, too. You just have to make time for you.You can read all the inspiring articles in the world, but if you don't make yourself take the steps, you will not achieve the happiness you're looking for.Even if you don't hate yourself, you can take something away from this post: if you are looking for happiness, if you feel like your life is run by forces outside of your control, take the reigns of what you CAN control.You are the only one that can change your life.
Give yourself permission to be selfish so that you can be a better, fuller, happier person for yourself and everyone else.
Pay attention to yourself and the issues you are facing. DEAL with them before they fester and get worse.You will be able to offer more to the world from a place of love than from hiding.No more hiding from your life- time to get out there and BE A PART OF IT!A note to all the mamas out there: This is especially hard for moms to understand. When you have a baby, your focus shifts from yourself to that bundle of joy- all that matters is that child's happiness.Know that happiness truly is contagious- make it one of the traits that rubs off on your kids!There is always a way to find time for you, and it will benefit everyone in your family if you do. Even if it's only 5 minutes. You'll be less cranky, more centered, and all-around more focused on what matters to you and your family.How are you going to be selfish this week? Take one day, hour, commercial break to focus on yourself. Love yourself enough to put you first.I want to hear about all of your selfish exploits this week! Tell me about them in the comments below!If you liked this post, please feel free to share it on facebook or tweet them out using the buttons at the bottom!
To your strength,Amy