Body acceptance while my body was soft was something I vehemently feared for most of my life. Over the last 3 months, my body has changed, but so has my perception about what that means about me.

If you're new to Strong Inside Out, you might not know that I'm a fitness personality and I used to have my own personal training business. Movement has been a big part of my life ever since it helped me recover from depression and anxiety.

But my focus on Movement wasn't only for health reasons - I used to move out of fear of being soft. Body acceptance at any other shape than ripped was a foreign concept for me.

A lot has changed since then including a return to eating disorder recovery. After a recent injury, I've been given the gift of having to face all my old fears, and I've been killing it!

The Injury

In November, I competed in a taekwondo tournament. In the sparring portion, I pulled off a round kick to my opponent's head (which was pretty badass), but lost my technique as I brought my leg back down. I hyperextended it and drove my heel right into the ground, producing a POP that was heard across the entire San Diego Convention Center.

An MRI confirmed that I ruptured my ACL - one of three ligaments that keeps your knee intact and supported - and got a big ol' bone bruise to the top of my tibia (one of the calf bones).

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed. After a talk with my doctor, I decided not to do surgery (or at least postpone it), and over the last 3 months I've been gradually improving through chiropractic care and PT.

I've had to bow out of taekwondo classes which is one of my main hobbies and replace it with PT (booooooring!). Until recently, I just haven't been able to do any movement that involved my right knee.

The last time I took my movement down like this was about 2 years ago when my naturopath first told me to take a break from H.I.I.T. workouts to help level out my hormones. It hit me hard at that time, but I've come a long way since then.

I'll be real: this part of my journey hasn't been the most fun. In fact, a lot of it has straight up suuuuucked, but I've also been given the gift of seeing very clearly how far my body acceptance has come.

Through losing control of how much I can move, I've expanded my ability to accept my body in every form.

Embracing Softness

Before I got back into recovery, I fought tooth and nail to never be "soft." The only way I believed I'd achieve body acceptance was if I could look like a fitness model. I coveted long and lean muscles and low body fat, and even hurt myself to get it.

I associated softness with laziness. With "not good enough"ness. I thought it would be a failing on my part to allow that to happen to me.

After going 3 months without much movement, my body's softened, and it's been the perfect exposure for me post-recovery.

Through my recovery, I've learned to question what I believe my body type means about me. Basically, I've explored why I believe softness or strength makes me bad or good. It's brought with it a powerful sense of body acceptance.

Since this injury, my body's slowly changed, but instead of freaking out and needing to "fix" it like I would have before, I've been consciously accepting it, loving it and nourishing it. My old Mental Optics jump in every now and then to tell me exactly why I'm not enough in this shape, but the difference now is that I'm able to turn around and give that voice a hug.

I know now that the need to conform to an unrealistic body type was really a need to be seen as enough, and to be worthy of love and belonging.

So I'm embracing this softer body and actively appreciating that it still supports me no matter how it looks. I'm focusing on gratitude as more types of movement open up to me through the healing process. It's been different, but it's given me the gift of expanding my body acceptance. Here's how you can do it, too...

Body Acceptance Is All Mental Optics

Body acceptance begins with looking at the way we perceive body types.When we look at body types, there really is no "good" or "bad" - that's the label we put on them. We connect a person's worth with their shape. Putting a label of good or bad on a body type is a judgment, not a fact. It's an opinion, and you have your right to yours no question, but if it's keeping you in a shame spiral, we've gotta dropkick that shit outta your life STAT!

Using our Mental Optics technique of Reading and Freeing The Situation, let's break up the fears that are keeping you from body acceptance.

Read The Situation

If you're labeling body types as good or bad, the first step to breaking down those limiting judgments is to become aware of their roots - your reactions to certain body types and your own. To do that, I put together these journal prompts so you can really dive into the WHYs behind your judgments.

Journal Prompts to help you read deeper:

Do you believe that people with "good" bodies:
- have it easier than people with "bad" ones?
- are happier?
- are better?
- Do you judge the way you look, beating yourself up for not doing/BEING enough?
  - What do you think the ideal body type will give you or save you from?
  - Is that true? Is your body the only way you'll achieve it?
  - If you dislike your body, how does that feel?
  - Do you want to continue to feel that way?
  - Are you afraid of body acceptance as you are now? Why?
  - Do you judge others with "bad" bodies?
    - What are some of the assumptions you make about them?
    - Do those judgments make you feel better or worse about yourself? Why?
    - How does it feel to acknowledge that you judge others (or yourself) in this way?
    - Do you want to continue to judge people in this way?

When you're done journaling through those prompts, take a deep breath. Maybe take 10. When you're ready, come back and step into freedom.

Free The Situation

Ok, shake off any "I'm bad because of what I wrote," feelings. That's exactly what we're gonna try to rewrite here.

First off: your judgments weren't your choice in the beginning. They grew from what you were taught growing up, what you heard others around you saying and what you saw in the media. Any personal experience of body shaming or being rewarded for your body shape is gonna have a huge affect on your perceptions, too.

So, release the self-blame. This is not your fault that you feel this way.

NOW, what you choose to do going forward IS your choice.

If you think the way you feel about body types is fucked up, or it produces more ickiness than Love and joy feelings, then let's start reframing your judgments right now simply by committing to questioning those judgments as they arise. Here's how...

Freeing yourself from body judgment:

When you become aware of judgment, stop in your tracks.
Take a deep breath and forgive yourself for having that thought. If you feel shame, remind yourself that this thought is just programming and that you're doing what you can to reprogram it.
State in your mind a true, loving mantra that reinforces how you WANT to react such as:
- "All of us are equal."
- "My body is not who I am/Their body is not who they are."
- "I refuse to let hate rule me."
- "This thought no longer serves me. I choose Love/Acceptance/Tolerance instead."
Do this as often as you become aware of these judgments.If you are having a hard time catching yourself in the moment, try doing a nightly journaling practice by remembering a time throughout the day when you had a judgment, then journal through this process. You may want to write the mantra 20 times to really root it into your mind.

In my experience, it's been easier to start with how I judge others before digging into myself. For you, it might be different. If you uncovered extreme self-judgment, it might work best for you to start there, too.

Wrapping It Up

Body acceptance isn't easy or quick, but it's through this process that I was able to get to this point of embracing my squishier self.

I'm finally healed enough to start walking again and it feels so good. Instead of doing it from a place of needing to fix myself, however, it's from a place of gratitude for my body and from the need my mind has for movement.

I sincerely hope you dive into this process. There's too much hate being slung around in our world right now; we could do with some root-deep acceptance and Love.

Soft, yet worthy,

Amy

Embracing Softness: My Process to Body Acceptance