Ditch the Food Shame: The Step-by-Step Process
In the spirit of Mental Optics May, I've got another post for you all about how to reset the filters through which we see the world! Today, we're focusing on eating.
The Food Shame Cycle
Food is a loaded topic, no matter who you speak to. While one person thinks sugar is the root of all evil, the next person thinks it's gluten, and the next one thinks it's meat! But the food shame is pretty universal. So many of us are haunted by the "should" monster no matter what we eat; we could always make a "better" choice. AND when we make "bad" choices, man do we beat ourselves up!
With everything we've been thrown by the performance health industry, it's no wonder our Mental Optics around food are so royally f**ked up.
So rather than focusing on one food or way of eating today, I'm going to help you Read and Free the Situation from the food shame that comes from whatever food choice you make (or don't). It's the food shame that's the problem more often than the food itself. It's the food shame that causes us to rush through eating which means we never experience the food we eat, and that keeps us from satisfying the cravings we have. So, we binge. It's the food shame that tells us we don't deserve X food, which leads us to restrict. Then, we starve or get so hungry that we end up binging, then shaming ourselves back into restriction again.
It's an endless cycle that I'm gonna do my best to stop right here and now. The next time you experience shame around eating or not eating a certain food, try the process below.
Read the Situation
The first step of this process is to get down and dirty with exactly what's going on in your mind when you experience the food shame that comes from eating or not eating.
Here are some journal prompts to help you get to know your initial reaction:
What am I thinking?
What am I telling myself that eating or not eating this food means about me?
What does this food symbolize?
How do I feel when I think this way?
What am I gaining or losing by eating or not eating this food?
What do I think will happen if I eat or don't eat this food?
How do I want to feel around food?
How do I want to feel about health?
How do I want to feel about my body?
Am I scared that feeling that way will lead me somewhere I don't want to go?
What are my fears as far as my body, health and food are concerned?
Do these fears relate to the thoughts I'm having right now?
You'll find that some of those prompts overlap, so no need to answer all of them.
You'll definitely want to journal through these prompts for the purpose of focusing this process and diving deeper into your thoughts and beliefs. I find that I more often get to the root of the situation when I journal than when I just try to think it through (which usually just causes me to loop and spiral through negative thinking).
When you've worked out the main thoughts, distortions, stories or fears that you're dealing with, you've got your Cloudy Lenses. Now, you might have a couple! For the purpose of this exercise, take one at a time.
Free the Situation
Because we're focusing directly on the food shame, we're going to Free the Situation a bit earlier in the process than we would usually. We're skipping over the default reaction because we want to Free the Cloudy Lens before it even turns into action in this case.So, the process will look like this:
Acknowledge how you’re “Reading the Situation.”
Take a deep breath.
Choose how you want to respond, then do it.
A bit simpler than the full R/F the Sitch process, but it works here because we're going directly after the thoughts!Now, go back and look at what you journaled to the following prompts:
How do I want to feel around food?
How do I want to feel about health?
How do I want to feel about my body?
Read them through, then ask yourself:
How would someone who feels the way I want to feel talk to themselves in this situation?
From the question above, come up with a mantra (or affirmation) that roots you in how you want to feel. (Psst! It might help to journal through it again.) Then, you'll embody it to free yourself from the Cloudy Lens when it shows up next.So let's go through an example:
Cloudy Lens:"Eating this donut means I'm a fat, lazy slob, which means that no one will ever love me."
How I want to feel around food, health and my body:"I want to feel freedom around food, not fear. I want to believe that health comes in balance, not rigidity. I want to love my body no matter how it looks while on my way to a healthy body for ME."
Not all of what I journaled through around how I want to feel is going to fit into my mantra. That's ok! Pick and choose the most powerful parts for you that apply to this specific thought.
Freeing Mantra:"One donut does not mean anything about me. I choose balance."
Make sure to choose a mantra that's closer to how you want to feel, but that rings true to you right now.
For some, that might be a very small step toward how they want to feel. For others, it will be a big one. There's no right or wrong so long as you are able to believe what you choose.For instance, if the Freeing Mantra from the above example was too far-fetched for me to believe it, I might pick something else that pulls from how I want to feel around food, health and body. Maybe something like one of these:
"I don't like feeling this way about food, so I choose balance."
"I know balance is more maintainable than this cycle I'm on now, so I choose balance."
"This donut has nothing to do with my worth."
"Freedom around food starts with this thought."
"This thought is mean, and I choose kindness toward myself."
Play around with your mantra to find one that works for you. It will evolve as you do. Expect it to change every so often!
Every time you experience the food shame thought (Cloudy Lens) you chose to focus on, STOP in your tracks, take a deep breath, and deploy your Freeing Mantra. You can repeat it in your head until the negative thought gets quieter, or you could even say it out loud if that works better for you.That's it! Or is it? Keep reading for a final note about how this all works.
One Last Thing
I wanna be clear: mantras ARE magic, but they're not a magic button. You're not going to be 100% healed the moment you deploy your Freeing Mantra. It's more likely that you'll feel some relief - a loosening around the death grip that is the negative thought - and then you'll move about your day.
You know what, though? The more often you find that relief, the looser your mind will get around bringing balance and kindness back into the regular. The more open you'll become to stronger and bolder mantras, and so the way you want to feel about food, your body and health will shift. Just not all at once.Will it take time? Yes. Will it be worth it? Abso-f**king-lutely.
I wouldn't be here writing this blog if I hadn't used this process millions of times over for so many different thoughts. I totally rewired the way I look at the world, food and health. I'm still in the process of reframing my body image, but it's definitely better than it was 3 years ago!
You might also find that it takes more than just this process to release deep-seated food shame. I've got you on that, too. Big announcements are coming over the next couple of months that'll help you hone in on badass, individual health. Make sure to get on the email list to stay in the know! Click here.
You can also check out my individual coaching; I help people release food obsession and build individual health that feels good. Or maybe working with a specialized therapist would be more appropriate. Find one near you here (US link).
The reality you want is worth the time and effort it takes to shift it. Be patient, babe. You're not on this journey alone! You've got a whole movement behind you.
Here's to taking your power back from food shame, one intentional thought at a time.
Amy