The Evolution of Strong Inside Out: A 7-Year Birthday Reflection

Happy Birthday, Strong Inside Out!!!

...well, *belated* birthday. We turned 7 years old on July 15th. Whoopsies!

I wanted to take today to go over the history of Strong Inside Out. It's been through a lot of growth and transformation over the years and if you're fairly new to us, you may have no idea! To fully understand how we came to be who we are today, here's the full run down.Ready to go back in time? Let's start at the very beginning...

The Beginning: 2011

It all started back in July of 2011 after attending the very first World Domination Summit. At it, I met a guy whom I'd looked up to for a while; a big ol' nerd named Steve Kamb. After getting lunch with him at the event and telling him that I was interested in bringing my personal training experience online, he offered to help me get things off the ground. I gladly took him up on his offer and began to formulate Strong Inside Out.

Perhaps the best piece of advice Steve gave me starting out was to be as honest and open in my about page as I possibly could be. He told me - knowing nothing at all about my darker story - not to hold back with my readers. In a leap of faith, I wrote the real story of how I got into fitness...one that I'd hardly told anyone.

When I first published my story about being hospitalized on suicide watch and the way fitness helped me mange my depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I was blown away by the response. I just didn't know what to expect having never really talked about it before. It was just the kick I needed to fully commit to Strong Inside Out as the beginning of something big.

Strong Inside Out started as a fitness blog that looked very lightly at the mental/emotional side of things. While I talked about my story, I didn't talk a ton about my depression in this first year of life.

This was the year in which I learned that my voice was truly worth using. So many people came out of the wood work to express support and to thank me for speaking about what was at the time super-duper taboo to talk about openly.

One thing I noticed looking back on this first year of posts was the extreme way I seemed to view the world. It was definitely all-or-nothing. My perfectionism was running wild and I had no idea how it was negatively affecting my relationship to food, movement and my body. Plus, I was preaching that shit! I've since gone back and edited or deleted old posts that no longer align just because I couldn't stand to have that out there in the world possibly speaking to the dark places in people that would latch onto the perfectionistic advice I was offering back then.

The Calling: 2012

Going into the second year of Strong Inside Out, I knew I wanted to do more, but I didn't know how. I felt this calling to bring the message of hope to those who were struggling, but I didn't know how I would do it.

After I attended The World Domination Summit (WDS) in 2012, I got inspired by a few of the attendees, one of which is now a good friend of mine: Joel Runyon. He was fundraising money to build a school in South America. Guys. A SCHOOL. It was so inspiring to be surrounded by people doing big things, and then to talk to them and realize they were just people like me.

After leaving WDS, I started actively thinking to myself, "What could I do to help who I want to help with the skillset I have?" That's when I came up with The 30x30 Project.

The 30x30 Project: 2013

2013 was the year Strong Inside Out really got put on the map due to The 30x30 Project.

To celebrate the 30th birthday I almost didn't have due to suicidality, I would teach 30 bootcamps in 30 cities across the US and Canada to raise money for the awesome charity, To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). To make this happen, I knew I'd have to put a ton of work into it. I'd have to crowdfund the money to travel and book spaces to teach, not to mention all the actual travel arrangements AND doing this while running my full-time personal training business in Los Angeles! No matter how overwhelming it looked, I was ready.

I created this video, then went to conferences and showed anyone who would watch it. A lot of people whom I showed it to were on board right away to help get the word out. Others I reached out to through email to help me get the word out. People were really receptive to the idea.

We went on to raise over $18,000 for the tour and - with the help of Lululemon - hosted 30 bootcamps across the U.S. and Canada just as we planned, raising thousands more for TWLOHA.

I learned so much about myself and the good in others throughout the tour. Over the course of 5 months, so many people stepped up to help. It was the most fulfilling experience of my life to date.

Along the tour, I learned a ton about what I wanted to change in my own life as well. After visiting 30 cities, I realized that I no longer wanted to live in Los Angeles. I also awoke to the fact that - in order to keep doing this work in the scope that I envisioned - I was going to have to make a choice: my personal training business or Strong Inside Out. There was no way I could continue to work 2 full-time jobs and expect to excel at both.

Within the final 3 months of the year, I'd moved out of Los Angeles, completed The 30x30 Project, closed the doors on my in-person personal training business, and gotten married (did I forget to mention that part?). I can honestly say that 2013 was the best year of my life so far. What I didn't expect was what would follow in the aftermath.

The Forcing: 2014

The very first thing I did in 2014 was move to San Diego from my Grandma's place in NorCal where my husband and I were crashing for a month. Luckily, we found an amazing place in a house owned by one of the kindest couples I've ever met. We're still friends with them to this day!

Strong Inside Out achieved so much in 2013 it was mind-blowing! Because of how I was at the time - a bit extremist to say the least - I was also mega burnt-out. I never fully recovered from the tour because I never gave myself enough down time. I thought that I would have to work ridiculous hours and produce, produce, produce content in all different forms in order to make it in this online space. And it's true to an extent, but not to the extreme that I took it to.

I was constantly drained. I started feeling like people were asking too much of me when it was actually a case of me not knowing how to set healthy boundaries. And though I didn't want to admit it, I missed my life in Los Angeles. I missed my friends, my in-person work and the daily routine I had there, even if I didn't miss the city itself.

An elite mastermind (aka group of people doing similar things in business) had invited me to participate and I said yes. When planning out Strong Inside Out's year, I opened up about how I just didn't know if I had the stamina to do another tour, to which most of them replied, "But you have to."

Listening to their advice over my own inner voice was one of the best lessons I ever learned, albeit one of the most painful. I went on to launch The Strong Inside Out Tour, successfully crowdfunding the money we needed and taking it on tour to 9 cities, but the whole time felt like forcing. I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I had in 2013, and it wasn't as successful as 30x30 either. I believe it's largely due to the energy I had around it.

Everything felt forced and block-ridden in 2014 and I thought it was because I wasn't doing enough or that I was doing it wrong. Turns out I was doing too much.

One positive that came from this year was my realization that people wanted to hear more about the mental health side of things than the fitness side of things from me. While I still incorporated fitness and nutrition, I started talking a lot more about depression and anxiety on the site.

The Breaking: 2015

I continued forcing everything for the first few months of the year. I felt so lost and like I was running on fumes all the time, and unsure of my purpose now that I'd determined not to do another tour. Then, a surprise opportunity came along that looked like it would "fix" everything.

McFit, a European gym chain, asked me to come in for an audition for their new virtual workout rooms and gyms they were creating called Cyberobics. I thought, what the hell and drove up to LA with a spray tan and a smile. A few weeks later, I found out that I was going to be one of their elite instructors!

With my mind on the exposure this would give me, I determined to "prove myself" on this shoot. I'd always had negative body image; I thought that if I could just lose 5-15 pounds, I'd be in the clear. This is the time I decided I would make it happen.

You can read all about how my mission went wrong in this post, but in short, I realized that my eating disorder was as powerful as ever. Thank God for my mentor who was able to get through to me that I needed help. For the first time in my life, I actually listened and dived back into eating disorder recovery.

The rest of 2015 was a rough one. Recovery isn't pretty. I spent a lot of it deeply depressed, desperate and fearful.

I was concentrating so hard on healing that it was hard to focus on Strong Inside Out's mission in the world. Plus, the trajectory of Strong Inside Out seemed a lot different now that I'd awakened to this part of me that needed to heal. I started to realize the extremist way I'd been preaching what I believed, and that a lot of the nutrition posts were written from a disordered place.

This was the year I discovered Intuitive Eating*, a way to eat in moderation without going freaking psycho about it. It opened up my world to a loving relationship with food and my body; one I'd never known was possible before. It led to the creation of Intentional Eating, my old program to help people heal from food obsession and emotional eating.

I had to suck up a lot of my ego to get the help that I needed in this year. It was so painful that I didn't even come clean to you until 2017. Honestly, I think it took me that long to feel stable in my recovery. I couldn't fathom telling you about my recovery until I was fairly sure I wouldn't relapse. I was too deep in it. Too close to it.

2015 taught me that we never have it altogether even though I really thought I did. No one ever does. I was slammed in the face with this gaping hole inside me that I had no idea was still there and because I didn't know how to handle that level of hurt and emotion, I crumbled. 2015 humbled me in a beautiful way; a way that I sorely needed to continue growing both myself and Strong Inside Out.

The Renewal: 2016

Much of 2016 was spent continuing my recovery as well as addressing physical issues that had manifested from my eating disorder. I found out that my adrenals were totally effed thanks to a lot of my restrictive and forceful habits. You can read more about that here.

While going through the process of healing my adrenals was grueling, it also offered me a lot of insight into the causes of my depression and anxiety.

Since working with my naturopath, new therapist and support groups, I haven't had a depressive episode since 2016. That's insane! I used to get them at least twice a year if not more.

I'm not saying that my path is going to be the answer for you (it looks different for everyone), but I owe a lot of my leveled-out mood to addressing not only the mental and emotional, but the physical as well.

My perspective on fitness and nutrition kept evolving through this year. In fact, I don't think I wrote more than maybe 2 posts that incorporated movement for this entire year just because I was afraid to approach the subject as I'd always done (which was now triggering for me).

My posts turned heavy in nature because that's how I felt most of the time. It was also how I thought I needed to be to be the leader I wanted to be. I looked up to people like Gabby Bernstein and Danielle LaPorte and emulated their work which is super-woo and more poetic. Because I loved what they were doing, I thought that's what I should be doing, too.

This year, it started to become very clear to me that Strong Inside Out was not what it used to be, but I had no idea where it was going.

The Search: 2017

This year was the year everything shifted back for me, but it took a huge jolt to get me there. At the beginning of the year, my Grandma (who was like my mom) got sick. She kept getting sicker and sicker until she finally passed in March, my Grandpa following closely after.

Flying back and forth to Northern California to be with them as much as I could and the emotional hit that is losing a close loved one exhausted me. I stopped writing so often. Everything felt heavy and dark, and I didn't want to bring that to you. I wrapped myself up in my healing tools, reached out for help when I needed it and spent most of my energy just taking care of myself.

In the midst of all this pain, I knew it was time to ask for help with SIO, too. Running Strong Inside Out on my own was proving confusing and aimless. I felt like I was being pulled in 3 different directions: mindful eating, mental health and physical health. At a loss for which way to go, I started to look into people who could help me clarify. That's when I found my team.

Office of Awesome was recommended to me by a friend and after meeting them, it became super clear that working with them was my next step. Not only were they psyched about working with me, they were followers of Strong Inside Out for years! They had watched my journey from bubbly fitness trainer to confused post-recovery girl.

They've taught me many things over the last couple of years, perhaps the most important of which is this: be your effing self!They told me to stop writing like I thought I was supposed to write and just let my natural, irreverent fun side back out. "That's why people love you," they said. "They're not here for you to be someone else."

Hearing this from them validated me to the nth degree. I felt like I finally had permission to be myself in my posts! I started adding swear words again and ranting on things that I thought weren't cool about the health industry. The whole brand shifted in the Summer of this year, and it paved the way for what Strong Inside Out is today.

Strong Inside Out shifted from being confused to being a movement to help people break free from shaming, metric-based health standards, and build individual health without scales or metrics. It just felt RIGHT.

By the end of the year, I felt really good about where SIO was heading and the heaviness of the last few years felt like it had cleared.

Coming Home: 2018

So far, this year has been all about creation and release.This year was taking the energy that SIO had reclaimed and using it as fuel to create an actionable path to help others truly rid themselves of the shamey, judgy stuff and build individual health in its place. I wanted what I created to stand the test of time, to be thoroughly researched and fun to go through.

I spent the first 6 months of 2018 putting together what would become Mental Optics and Strong Inside Out Health Essentials, and I couldn't be more proud of them both! They are the epitome of what we preach here at Strong Inside Out - that you don't need to fit someone else's version of "enough" to be enough. That your health can look different than their health and still be the best version for you!

Thanks to everything that's transpired over the last 7 years, I can honestly say that I'm really happy with where Strong Inside Out is right now and where it's going.Now, I'm expecting my first child at the end of the year. It's going to be a whole new world for me soon enough, and I can't wait to share it with you. All of it. ;)

But now, please allow me a moment to gratitude all over you.

Thank you for being here; this movement wouldn't be here without you. Thank you for your support through the years or however long you've been here. If you have a favorite SIO post, quote or lesson from over the years, share it in the comments below!

Here's to so many more years bringing strength, hope and the importance of individuality to everyone who'll hear it. Happy Birthday, Strong Inside Out!

Hugs n' fist bumps,

Amy

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