How to Turn Resistance Into Surrender
When change hits or we know it's about to, we react in one of 2 ways: we resist or we allow.
Most of the time we - the deep feelers of feelings - tend to resist because we've worked so hard on just existing in the way things have been. With change approaching, we have to learn how to adapt and cope in new ways. That's a lot of work on our already overwhelmed plates!
When we resist, however, all we're really doing is prolonging this adaptation process.Change happens no matter what. Resistance is our defense mechanism. What I hope to do today is help you create a new defense, and that's where surrender comes in.
What Surrender Isn't
I used to hear the word "surrender" and immediately think of a white flag. I'd think "weakness," or "giving up." Surrender is neither.
Surrender is one of the most powerful things I've ever learned how to do (if not THE most powerful). To surrender is to release control of that which we don't have control over anyway.
Depression and anxiety is often created when we resist the past, present or future. Surrender allows us to let go of the things that have happened, are happening or will happen to us... which is necessary for peace of mind because you'll never, ever be able to control those things anyway.
Turn Resistance Into Surrender
When I encounter resistance, all I have to do is ask myself one question to melt it down into surrender:
"What do I choose?"
Every single thing you do is a choice, resistance included. When I remind myself that I have a choice in the matter - that no one is forcing me to do anything - it releases some of the intensity of the automatic defense response.
When I take a deep breath and choose my next step, I have the option to embrace my choice entirely or shame/judge myself for it which breeds more resistance. That's why I choose, then take a deep breath and surrender the rest.
Here's how:
1. Choose
Make a deliberate choice. Say it out loud or write it down if you need to.This prompt always helps me make the "right" choice: "What is the loving thing to do?" (for yourself and others)
2. Surrender the other choices
To create true peace of mind, you must take this step. Without it, you hold onto that which you cannot control and it will devour you.Letting go is scary especially if you've spent your whole life trying not to. To help you surrender, let's discuss the truth of the situation.
Knowing that you can never go back in time (unless you discover a Tardis lying about), you could either beat yourself up for all the coulda-woulda-shoulda's, or you could surrender those other options into the ether/Universe/air/stars/whatever you resonate with.
The path you don't take will never, ever matter because the reality you live in was formed by the path you DID take. Worrying is your mind's attempt to fix the situation, but in reality there's absolutely nothing to fix. It doesn't exist anymore.The choices you make create your experience. Release regret and allow yourself to move forward!
Moving Forward
Surrender can serve as an incredibly scary or liberating concept. As you learn to surrender these other choices, you will build evidence through your increased peace of mind that doing so is a far better way to live than holding onto resistance.
Courage is created in action taken through fear. Prove to yourself that you can create a new experience. Choose, and let go of the rest.Stay strong,Amy
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