I Don't Live Up To The Hype
I want to start off this post by thanking all of you for reading, following, and supporting Strong Inside Out. My little blog has been live for 1 month this week, and I've gotten so many heartfelt messages and great support from the community! I am so inspired by all of you and am really looking forward to the future of Strong Inside Out!
After revealing my deepest, darkest secret, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It was refreshing to be honest and open about my past, and it seemed to help out quite a few people who thanked me for writing about it.Now I find I'm facing a bit of a dilemma:One of the hardest things about being so open about your accomplishments in life is the fear of not living up to what other people expect of you.I couldn't be happier or more proud since I overcame my clinical depression and discovered that I too could live a thriving life. I had always thought that happy people were just faking it! I chose a job in which my role is to inspire and motivate, and I LOVE it!Sometimes though, I stop and think to myself, "Are you crazy?! Now, if you go into remission, you'll have LIED to all the people that look to you for hope! If you fail, you'll be letting EVERYONE down."Even when I'm tired, I feel like I have to live up to the hype: I always have to speak from a place of passion and motivation; I have to be energetic and happy all the time; I can't let anyone else see if I'm having a bad day- they may think I'm cycling downward again.If I don't live up to my role as motivator, everyone suffers. It's not just about me anymore.
How do you avoid the trap of feeling like you have to live up to the hype after you go through a positive transformation?
Getting healthy, rising through depression, becoming an independent entrepreneur: these are all accomplishments that other people will know about whether you tell them or not. If they know you before and after, you won't be able to hide the difference... and why would you want to? You should be proud of your achievements, and yeah, you should show them off! You worked hard for them, damn it!I find that some people avoid trying to achieve any goals in the first place because they are either afraid that they won't be able to maintain them, or they won't be able to live up to what's expected of them when they get there.This fear of judgment and failure is a trap that people fall into that can sabotage the best of efforts. You have to realize that the majority of people out there see only black or white; no gray.If a celebrity loses weight for instance, every pound he/she gains back is front-page news: "So-and-so Off The Wagon Again." When a start-up business encounters a setback, people begin assuming the worst: "Looks like the dream is over."When you embark upon your journey to whatever your goal may be, you must assume that you will be judged the same way. Keep these things in mind:
-People will always have something to say, good or bad, and you have no control over that.
-If you are aiming to better your life, people will naturally look to you for inspiration and motivation- they may see your failures as their own.
-People will be looking to you to see if it is possible and may doubt that you can do it.
This is a scary thought, but it's true. Whether they mean it to be malicious or not, others will doubt that you have the strength and capacity to overcome obstacles that other people have struggled with.Knowing all this, how do you go on, knowing that people are either looking to you for hope or expecting you to fail?This is what I suggest you remember as you get closer to your goals, and even after you achieve them:
Give it your all in the first place
As much as I can say The F**k 'Em Principle would be the best way to handle this scenario, it's more complicated than that.Judgment from others still gets me down, as much as I try not to let it. I worry about what other people think sometimes as I'm sure you all do too.It's scary to imagine putting yourself on the line for all to see, and then failing.Think about this: people are judging you RIGHT NOW. Knowing that people will be judging you whether or not you reach for your goals, why hold back at all?Become aware of the fears you're having- do they outweigh the results that achieving your goal will provide you?No!Fear of failure should never keep you back from trying like hell to get what you want.If you fail after putting every effort into realizing your goals, then at least you know you gave it everything you had and there's no looking back.Live a life without regrets.
Your life is not black and white
Americans are fed negative news daily from the media; positive transformations are rare. It's understandable that people don't fully believe them, or look at them doubtfully. Success and happiness have become fairytale-type traits.Those that do achieve success and happiness are analyzed under the social microscope, every move scrutinized for falsity or hypocrisy.If things don't seem perfect, people assume the worst.After you achieve a goal, half the people are going to be cheering you on, and half are still looking for you to mess it up. Sad, but it's the truth.Nobody's life is black and white. Everyone has a gray area. In fact, most of life is lived in that gray area, even for those that are living their dreams.You can't expect every moment to be full of intense joy and fulfillment. You can't expect that you'll never hit a speed bump on your journey to good health and fitness. You can't expect that you'll achieve a sustainable, thriving business and never experience setbacks.But people do.So you just need to remember that you are human. Human beings are flawed. No one can expect you to be anything but.It's the little lows and setbacks that remind you of what you've accomplished, and keep you from slacking after you've achieved your goals.If people can't understand this, then that's their problem, not yours. A little vulnerability and honesty make you more real and relatable anyway.
It's how you get back up
Failure happens.If you read To Goal Or Not To Goal, you know that I don't think failure is a bad thing. It sucks when it happens to you, but in the end, those failures are what make us real.
They give us drive to not fail next time.
They teach us how to better do what we tried to do this time.
They keep us humble and grateful for when we actually accomplish what we set out for.
The fear of failure is natural. Who ever wants to hear "I told you so," from all the nay-sayers out there?Just think, you'll never be able to say, "I told you so," right back at them if you never try at all.As exciting as the idea of "showing them all" is, remember the personal reasons why you're doing this for yourself- these will be your biggest motivators because you can't control how other people will react. You can only control yourself and what you do with what you have.
You are your own worst critic
Nobody is going to judge you to the extent that you judge yourself. For that reason, give yourself a break! Write these down somewhere where you can see them daily:
Don't compare your journey to others'.
Failing does not mean that you are a failure.
Take days off- they refresh you and keep the motivation strong.
View every setback as a challenge and aim to grow from them.
Take a deep breath and relax out of all your self-imposed expectations. Concentrate on what you're learning on your journey and how far you have come when you get there. A journal really comes in handy for this (hint hint).
What I'm learning from this journey
I've gotten a lot more support than judgment and negative criticism in this first month of being live, but I am prepared for when negativity does come my way.I don't regret writing about the event that changed my life, and I will continue to write about what I have learned on my way to being where I am now.My life isn't perfect now, but I'm pretty proud of it.I never thought I would experience a lasting happiness like what I am living in right now. I have found some semblance of balance without medication, I feel stronger than I ever have- physically and mentally, and I am prepared to face my future with open arms and a smile on my face.If one person, ONE, looks at my journey from clinical depression to a thriving life, and feels inspired to take action to change her/his own life, than the pressure is worth it.From all the lessons above, the one I need to remind myself of the most is "You are your own worst critic." I am harsher on myself than I need to be, and I realize that this is the opposite of what I preach. Like everyone else, I am still growing and learning. As I continue to work on myself, I am focusing on finding the balance between giving myself a break and pushing myself to achieve my full potential.I'm so happy to have you all here on the journey with me, and I'm excited to hear all about yours!Have you gotten caught up in trying to live up to the hype? How did you deal with it? Do you have a suggestion for a lesson to add to this list? I'd love to hear about your aspirations and lessons you've learned from them along the way! Post them in the comments below, and I'll make sure to write back if you need tips or extra motivation!