Making Your Own Motivation
Update from Amy Jan 17, 2017: I wrote this post when my philosophy on wellness was... different. Some of the language in this article has been edited to align more closely with where I'm at now. I currently adopt a more fluid, accepting, willing approach. If you would like to read how I go after goals now, click here. xo Amy
Have you ever woken up and felt like getting out of bed would be an insurmountable task? You know, when you'd rather be sick because at least you'd have an excuse to not do anything? Or when you get in your car to go to your yoga class and the defiant part of your brain is just screaming at you to go home instead of to that sweaty studio that smells like feet? When you're faced with this resistance, how do you react?
Think about this:
- How did you feel after you let those feelings hold you back?
- How did you feel when you said, "Screw you, wall! I'm doing it anyway!?"
We've all given into it before, and we've all worked through it before. I want to help you make the ladder the more common reaction.
Physics And Motivation
Physics was a class I didn't do too well in, but hopefully it will make more sense this time around.
Newton's first law of motion states that a body at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force. Deciding to change your life is your self-imposed external (though in this case, internal) force.If you have embarked on the journey to start overcoming your obstacles and change your life, first of all, CONGRATULATIONS! Secondly, getting the body/mind to change is going to take some effort. If you have been trapped by habits keeping your from a thriving life, breaking them and adopting new ones is going to take work. When you start gaining momentum, it gets a lot easier.In the first few weeks, your motivation should stay pretty strong. But what happens when your enthusiasm starts to wane and your old habits start looking pretty tempting?Change is hard, your mind says. Stick with what you know.
The Wall
Newton's Law gets broken sometimes when we hit "The Wall" - sometimes the body/mind just don't want to go any further no matter how hard we push. The wall will try to tell you that there's no point, you're not getting anywhere, you're never going to get there, etc. It seems like all our inspiration, motivation, and excitement jumped ship while we were sleeping.Don't fret: THIS IS NORMAL, and to be expected on the road to achieving a thriving life.Change is hard. Change is scary.If you've never accomplished this kind of change before, how do you know it's possible? You may be afraid that all this hard work is for naught.When this happens, the wall will try to push you back into your old habits. This is because the mind fears the unknown. Your old habits, as negative as they may have been, are all your brain and body knows. YOU know that there is more out there for you, but convincing the wall of that is a more difficult task.So how do we go about breaking this wall down so we can see clearly to the life we want and deserve? Get your sledge hammers ready, people! This is gonna take some elbow grease!
Breaking Down The Wall
Slap yourself out of it! You KNOW this isn't the end of the road for you. You deserve everything good that life has to offer. The only thing is, sometimes life isn't simply "offering" it- you have to go fight for it! Let's go over some steps that have helped me and my clients in the past.
Why Did You Make This Goal In The First Place?
Now is a great time to revisit why you made your goals in the first place. Get out a pen and paper. You're gonna take some notes.Answer these questions on paper as specifically as possible:1. What was your life like before you set this goal for yourself? How did you feel about yourself?2. Why did you decide to set this goal in particular? Would you have better health, be able to keep up with your kids, live a more joyous life?3. How will this goal make your life better?Looking at the answers to these questions on paper serves as a visual reminder for why you're pushing yourself to a new level. You made this goal because you were unhappy with the way things were going before. The only way to achieve change is to push past what you're used to and get a little uncomfortable. Remember: you're only comfortable with what you know. Make these changes and get your mind and body familiar with the new you.
Envision Yourself After You've Achieved Your Goal
Still got that piece of paper and a pen ready? Good. Jot down detailed notes to the cues below.
1. Imagine yourself after you've achieved your goal.
2. What is your life like? Are you happy? Are you healthy? How does it affect your every day existence?
3. How do your friends and loved ones feel about your changes? Do your kids look up to you? Does your significant other want to spend more time with you because you're happier all the time?
4. What does achieving this goal mean to you? Does it make you proud? Does it mean less time spent at a desk? Does it mean that you're able to keep up with your kids now? Does it mean that you're making enough money to travel more? Why is that important to you?
The more detailed you are, the more helpful this exercise will be. Really FEEL what it’s like to be at that goal. Breathe it in. If you’re not thriving, make sure this is a goal you really want to accomplish.
Find New Ways To Accomplish Your Goals
As I talked about in To Goal Or Not To Goal, there are many ways to go about achieving what you’re aiming for. Use this time to brainstorm some other tactics you haven’t yet put to use. Write down 5 actions you haven’t tried yet to get you closer to your goal. Start taking those actions today or tomorrow, and see what results you get from it.Here's an example:
If your goal is to rise up and conquer your depression and you’re already seeing a therapist, using a creative or physical outlet for stress, and have cut ties to negative friends, start researching other proven methods for feeling better. Meditation and yoga are great to help keep you centered and in the present moment. Join a book club or class of some sort and aim to talk to one new person a week. Making friends and thus widening your support system can help you feel more confident and strong when depression tries to rear its ugly head again.
The point is to try things you haven’t yet explored. If you haven’t reached your goals yet, and are dreading the steps you have in place, try shaking it up to regain that sense of enthusiasm you had at the beginning.Before you delve into this step, make sure you've done your research into what you're trying to accomplish. What steps have worked for most people to get them to where you're aiming to go? Have you taken all those steps? Skimping on any of them is fuel for your wall- if you skimp, you may not get results, and lack of results directly leads to lack of motivation. Don't sell yourself short. You know you can get the results you want. Fully commit to them and put in the effort.
Do It Anyway
This is the hardest step, but if you've tried the above exercises and still don't feel that spark of excitement, you may have to resort to just plain DOING IT ANYWAY.There will be days when the last thing you want to do is get out of bed and go for a run or swing a heavy kettlebell. If your goals are to get healthy or gain strength, guess what? You're gonna have to make some sacrifices- you are going to have to do some things you don't want to do in order to get where you want to go.The changes you want don't just happen. They take work. Sometimes, LOTS of work. The more work you put in now, the easier it will be to maintain your results once you achieve your goal.Sometimes you just have to suck it up (as much as I hate saying that) and make yourself do SOMETHING. Taking action is the best thing you can do for breaking down walls. Phases of excitement will come and go, but if you condition your mind and body to act instead of freeze when the wall hits, you’ll still be on your way to your goals no matter how hard it feels.Action also has a way of reigniting the inspiration. Recommit to yourself and to the life you want. You’re doing this for you. No one is making you do it. YOU are the one who makes the choice. CHOOSE TO THRIVE.
The Worksheet
Since I’ve just given you a lot of homework, I thought I’d make it easier for you by making a worksheet for you to fill out! I hope it helps you break through your wall! The grass IS greener on the other side!Download the pdf here: Breaking Down The Wall WorksheetDownload the word doc here: Breaking Down The Wall Worksheet word docAre you hitting a wall on your way to a thriving life right now? Tell me about it in the comments below and I’ll help as much as I can. If you’ve ever overcome a wall in your past, do all those that are having trouble a favor and tell us about your experience. What helped you overcome it? Did you take any of the steps here? Would you add any other steps to this list?