Building Killer Confidence Ain't Magic
I had an UH-mazing weekend!Well, actually, it was 24 hours that spanned from Sunday to Monday.I was in Vegas for New Media Expo (i.e. Blog World... i.e. Nerdfest ;p). I didn't have a ticket, but I was going to meet people anyway.Boy, was that the best whim decision I've made in a while.I got to meet Benny in person for the first time! I hung with Caleb, Srini, Pat, Chris, Antonio, and a ton more people (sorry if I didn't mention you!). I have so many new inspiring friends doing great things! But let me tell you about what really made the trip for me...I had my mind read. No, really.One of the attendees, Roderick Russell, is a magician, and I was lucky enough to experience a mini-show for about 20 people in my buddy's suite.Let me tell you: when we all got in there and heard there was going to be a small "magic show," I think we cringed a bit inside.I thought about bunnies in top hats, cutting Vannah-White-a-be's in half, and making small objects disappear into strategically placed holes in a veiled table...When I walked in, he was already getting ready at the front of the room, standing comfortably in front of a room of 20 skeptical bloggers.As we all settled, he introduced himself as if he were speaking to one person, his intimacy immediately opening us all up to the possibilities of what lay ahead....Then he told us that he swallowed swords.
He proceeded to pull out a TWENTY-SIX-INCH sword and swallow it to the hilt like he was an excited kid with a lollipop.The audience was warmed up to say the least. If this guy could do that, what else could he do?He moved on to magic from there, and blew our minds with a couple of feats. One, he guessed who had various objects that had been mixed up and handed out by someone behind him whom he couldn't see. And if that wasn't enough, he had given envelopes that had the name of the object written on a piece of paper inside to each person holding that same object!After we had calmed down (we were all on our feet, wide-eyed, yelling our disbelief), he stood up in front of us all, triumphant (but not cocky), and announced his next trick: mind reading."Hmm... Amy, will you come up here? I think you'd be perfect for this..."*gulp*Oh no.I stood, excited, hesitant and nervous all at the same time.As I got to the front, the warmth that he emanated put me at ease, though I was still worried that this guy was going to put me to sleep or hypnotize me to do something embarrassing (he does that, too).He asked me to think of a name of someone close to me who wasn't in the room, and write it down on a card. He never saw the card.
By putting his palm against mine, looking intently into my soul (or so it felt), and snapping his fingers at a slow rhythmic pace, he guessed the name.I was in shock. How can he DO that?!Coming away from that night, I look back at the awesome skills I got to experience first hand.Do you know what impressed me most? His unerring level of confidence.Despite what all of us in that room thought about magic when we entered it, Roderick got up there with the attitude that he was going to change all our minds. He certainly changed mine.That's what it takes to create extraordinary lives: a killer sense of confidence.The thing is, not all of us were born with it. And those of us who were may have had it beaten out of us by various eras of our lives.Over the past few months, I've had to create a killer sense of confidence in myself to get my big dream off the ground.Talking to people you want to collaborate with is unnerving at times. My history of self-worth issues seems to come back to play every time I start reaching further than I know... I bet you know what that's like.Even so, I accomplished more than I thought I'd be able to in just a few months. The cool thing? The sense of confidence stuck around! I'm planning on keeping it for good!Today, let's explore some of the pillars of confidence, and how you can achieve them to develop your own killer sense of confidence.
Know That You Can Do No Wrong
This one, I learned from an acting teacher a while back when I was having trouble making choices on stage."Go up there again with the knowledge that you can do no wrong," he said. "Act from that place."When I did, my acting was bolder, my choices stronger, and my confidence sky-rocketed.I take this acting lesson and apply it to life as well. If you go into a situation that's out of your comfort zone, you're feeling some doubts and hesitations.
Why would anyone want to talk to me?
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if they don't like me?
STOP.Breathe in the knowledge that you can do no wrong, and keep it in your core as you venture beyond your comfort zone.Try this on first dates, business meetings or presentations, performances, or job interviews. It's a great way to reduce the wall of unworthiness into rubble.FYI: This will feel silly at first. It will feel like you're acting the first few times you do it, but as you allow yourself to settle into that knowledge, it will root itself in you; you'll be able to call on it more easily.
Speak Human-to-Human
Here's the bottom line: we are all human.When you're speaking to people you don't know, you must remember that they are human, too.Even if they're "more successful than you." Even if they're "hotter than you." Even if they're "more important than you."We are all still human. Speak to them with the understanding that you are equals.You'll notice that the "important people" whom others want to be around will employ this same advice. People want to be around them because they will be treated like they're just as important.Nothing is more of a turn-off than being treated like a less-than.On that same note, you know what else is a turn-off for most? Being treated like a deity.You want to avoid the fan-boy effect. Sure, you can be open about your admirations, but don't fawn on them! It makes them feel extremely uncomfortable because (believe it or not) they get worried about living up to those expectations you have of them.Any way you swing it, treating people as if they're different than you is something to avoid if you want to come off confidently. Speak human-to-human and you won't have to worry about it!
Remember That They Were Where You Are
Riding the wave of speaking to others as equals, it helps me when I'm in the presence of someone I've admired for a long time, to remember that they were beginners, too.At one point, even the most successful person was a novice.Remind yourself of this when you're meeting people for the first time. Explore that journey in your mind.However long ago it was before they were successful, they had to practice confidence, too.
Ignore The Haters
Haters gonna hate. There's nothing we can do about that.Confident people don't let the haters get the best of them.You have to realize that they're feelings aren't personal. Don't waste energy trying to change their minds.Focus on what you can control, and what you're doing for the world. That will carry you through the hating.I frequently remind myself of the fact that there will always be someone who has something negative to say about what I'm doing.Knowing that frees me of the idea that I have to please people. If there's always going to be someone out there who isn't a fan of yours, what's the point of trying to please everyone?
Be You
The absolute worst thing you could do for your confidence is try to be someone you're not.Confident people are, by definition, self-assured. They know that they are valuable, that what they have to say is important.You must realize that about yourself as well.You are unique. You are the only person who thinks, acts, IS the way you are. That is something to be celebrated and shared!Stay true to yourself and your beliefs, and you will stand out without effort.
Act From Love
Confidence is often confused with arrogance, but they are not the same nor are they mutually inclusive.Confidence in its best form comes from a place of love for oneself and for others.Acting from a place of love forces us to set aside any predeterminations we have about others, and allows us to simply be with each other.When encountering doubts, try breathing in love and acceptance. I know it might sound hippie-dippy, but give it a good ol' college try.Centering yourself in love makes every action and thought easier.You don't have to ask what's right or wrong. You don't have to worry about being enough. Being grounded in love will take care of both of those fears.You will natIt's very hard to go wrong when you're focusing on loving yourself and those around you.
30-Day Challenge Check-In and The Date
At this point, you're probably noticing some changes if you're sticking to The 30-Day Challenge.Keep going. Ride this wave of motivation!What improvements have you made so far? Please do share in the comments below!*****It is just about time, ladies and gentlemen.
One week from tomorrow, my big dream will no longer be a mystery.
I've got all my ducks in a row and I am so excited to share with you what I've been working so hard to create. To make sure you don't miss it, please sign up for emails below.Until then, here's a teaser for what I'm revealing come next Friday...
Stay strong, guys,Amy