The Real Way to Look on The Bright Side

As a teenager, I had very few commitments I would keep. One, however, I never wavered on. It was this: be real.It was of utmost importance to me that people be raw. If you weren't "real" to my standards, well, I didn't like you very much.I'd always say what was on my mind when asked. When someone would smile overly cheery at me, I'd detest them, because I didn't believe happy people were "being real." I thought they were fakers. I thought they were hiding how much pain they were in because they had to be. My world was everyone else's too, right?And I was miserable alllllll the time. I was always aware of my pain, how unfair it was and how it never ended. It was the continuing focus on this pain and struggle that made my entire world consist purely of it. It's no wonder it turned out like it did in 2005.It took quite a few failures to realize that I couldn't keep functioning with the same mindset if I wanted to succeed at this "happier life" thing. I'd have to at least try to start looking for the silver lining.When I first started looking on the bright side, I felt like a bit of a phony, and a lot like a traitor to myself. "This isn't real," I thought. "This is just denial of all the horrible things that still exist in your life. This will all boil up in you and make it even worse for you later."It was only after months of reflection, practice and still no relapse in sight that I started arguing back.My concentration on the good wasn't a denial of the bad; it was a shift in focus. I began to spend energy on what I wanted more of, and less time worrying/giving strength to what I wanted less of. It was as simple as that.

Instead of focusing on what I couldn't control that made me anxious, I listed out what I could control, and then took action to take care of each list item, one by one.

Instead of worrying about my body not looking like a supermodel's as motivation to get in the gym, I focused on how good movement made me feel immediately, and the benefits it bred long after (clarity, focus and drive).

Instead of letting one event drag me down, I repeated mantras that reminded me that I am strong enough to handle anything that doesn't kill me, and that I would rise above this.

There are many people who fear adoption of positive thinking, like I did, because there's this misinterpretation that it requires lying to oneself. I'm here to argue exactly the opposite: if you look on the bright side the real way, you will never deny pain or struggle, but you'll definitely work through it faster.It's because of this past, and because I think opening your eyes to this way of life could change your entire world for the better that I've written out exactly what you need to do to do it right.Here are my essentials for looking on the bright side and still keeping it real...

1. Gratitude for what you have

I'm sure this isn't the first time you've heard about the wonders of gratitude, so I'll keep this short and sweet. Expressing gratitude for the blessings you have in your life really works. I'm talking immediate change in perspective here.

Journaling what you're grateful for first thing in the morning everyday (or using an app like this one) is a surefire way to rocket into a more positive day.

You are actively creating the gratitude habit when you do.Recognizing the good you have in your life, and giving it energy by writing it down, gives these aspects of your life more weight, taking it away from the not-so-great parts.Commit to at least 2 weeks of doing this every day, and I bet you'll see a difference in your outlook.

2. Acknowledge what needs to change

Here's the part that will keep you out of denial: recognize what's not serving you in your life. If a relationship, looming event, job, or habit is keeping you from a joyful life, it needs to change.Weigh whether or not its benefits outweigh the negatives and act accordingly. Do it the old-fashioned way: divide a piece of paper in half. At the top of the sheet, write "Pros" in the left-hand column, and "Cons" in the right. Fill out a piece of paper like this for each situation that keeps you from happiness.Seeing it in writing makes it easier to digest than trying to think of all the pros and cons off the top of your head. For me, it's easier to make big decisions when I lay it all out in front of me.

3. And if you can't change it

Now, comes the hard part: what if you can't change it? What if you need that job that bores you to death? What if you're just having a hard time with your kids because of the phase they're in?A lot of personal development voices will tell you that you have the power to change these things, which is true to a degree. But it's not fair to ask that you leave your children because they're difficult at this stage, or your job because it's unfulfilling if it's the only way you can support your family right now. It's just not the answer that I would personally give if a friend came to me with the problem.

Situations that you cannot change must be looked at in a different way than those you can. The key to looking on the bright side of these situations is acceptance.

When you accept the situations in life that cannot be changed right now, you give yourself over to them. You re-focus on the good that it brings you, and breathe into those things. For example, your kids will most likely grow out of the difficult phase if you continue to love them and set appropriate boundaries, as difficult as it may be. Your job gives you food on the table, the mortgage on your lovely house, and peace of mind.Just like the gratitude journaling, constant reminders of what you get out of this situation are critical to your happiness. Without them, it's way to easy to get lost in the pain.

4. Do something about it if you can

If you CAN do something about the situation that brings you struggle, DO.If you went through step 2 and came up with something that needs to change and the resources are available to you to do so, then list out exactly the steps you need to take to move forward to a better life.Sometimes, this goal seems too overwhelming to start on. That's why I always recommend breaking it down into mini goals. Depending on how much each mini goal entails, aim to check off a couple of them per week. It won't seem as daunting as doing the whole thing at once, which will help motivate you to actually get it done.The only thing holding you back from a better life now, is you.

5. What else is possible?

Here's one additional step that is often forgotten when we talk about gratitude and silver lining-seeking: opening your eyes to the next stage of growth.As a positive individual, we seek to grow through all stages of our lives. We continuously search for what else may be possible. It's what fuels us with hope and excitement. How can we take this joy to the next step? How can we open up to even more love and fulfillment?

Being real is being able to really look at your life as it is, and open your eyes that much further to see what is possible.

What else do you crave? What calls out to you in the night when you lie in that almost-dream state? What makes your soul ache?Being real is not dealing with what you have now and resigning yourself to the fact that it won't get any better. THAT's denial.Your potential is vast. Be real and let yourself peer into it, and by God, ACT on it, will you? We need more boldness in this world.You're just the person to bring it to us. That's me being real, guys. It's your time now.Stay strong,Amypic by picjumbo