The Words I Needed to Hear When I Was Struggling
This post is for all of us fighting to change our baseline of existence, whether that's your mindset, your body or your life overall.My darkness included depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem and body image, trying to lose weight and gain physical strength and endurance... just to name a few. If you're struggling with change in any capacity, keep reading.It's been a while since I was really low. Like, "getting out of bed is my win for the day" low.When I consider how many Strongies there are out there at their darkest, my heart deflates. I want to be there to let you know it will get better if you hold on, deal and keep fighting for the life you want. I want to hold your hand while we show and prove to you that yes, you can get through the darkness. And I want to be there with you when you wake up and realize that all your hard work has paid off and you finally feel lighter – physically and emotionally.Alas, the internet doesn't allow us to do that (yet). Instead, I have to write this to you. Today, however, I'm talking to you and myself.When I was living in fear and resistance to change, there were a few things I wish people would have done or said to make the process of change a little less heavy. So today, I'm going to write the truths I needed to hear and hope that you hear them like I'm right there, sitting right next to you.So here goes: A letter to myself and to anyone living in darkness.
Dearest Dark Self,
You're not alone in this.
As lonely as it feels in the pit of struggle, you're never alone. You can think it. You can dwell on it and make it real for yourself in your mind. But it's not true.Even if you feel like no one around you really understands, maybe they want to try. And maybe that's enough.
Let them help.
Those people who offer to help or just be there? Take them up on it. You deserve love, understanding and compassion. You are not a burden. You are love and light on the verge of being revealed. It might take a little help to work that shroud of darkness off. Accept it. One day, you can do the same for them.Just don't quit. Every time you take a step forward, it doesn't matter if you fall. It's not a step back; they're just messy steps.
Stop giving up. Be with the pain.
Change requires consistent effort, and it really sucks when you're still on training wheels. It's going to feel like work until it doesn't. You HAVE to put in that time. It's non-negotiable.You are worth the work this takes. Every time that resistance comes up and tells you that you're not, scream at it. Drop-kick it in its stupid face and stand up for the life you want to live.YOU dictate how you live in every moment, not the forces that try to hold you back. Allow yourself to feel the pain, and keep fighting for your life. Focus on the life you're creating, not how hard it is to change.Everyone who recreates their lives like you are now feels this pain. There's nothing wrong with you.
You're not damaged.
There's nothing "wrong" with you; you're struggling because you're resisting your essential being. You think you should be another way.You don't need substances to numb your life. You don't need them to expedite your growth – they won't. You don't need someone else to validate your worth.Accept that this is your situation right now, and it doesn't have to be forever. Breathe deeply into where you are, and exhale fully the resistance around it.Where you choose to go is up to you. There's nothing chaining you to this state of being beyond this moment. All you have to do is start choosing differently than you have been. In the midst of all this chaos and seemingly causeless struggle, those different choices are where the beauty will begin to seep in.
You can't imagine the beauty to come.
You feel all this pain almost all the time, and none of it makes sense. You search for the reason why all of these things happen to you, why you were born this way, why life just never seems to give you a break...
If you were simply given the unimaginable beauty that's to come, you'd never know how triumph feels when you earn it. That victory will last you for life.
The reasons will come, sometimes all at once. There will be gifts in your life you never could have imagined, experiences that make you thank whatever higher power you believe in for giving you that struggle.You struggle now, and you will not know the reason why unless you fight to learn it. It's worth it. I promise you.It will all make sense unless you stop fighting.I look at you and I thank you for feeling the pain. I see the despair in your eyes and I feel the emptiness in your heart, but if given the opportunity to take your suffering from you, I wouldn't. I'd keep you just the way you are, and hold you as you hate me until the beauty comes to reward you.This is exactly where you're supposed to be. So be here, now.This pain is a gift, just as your happiness will be. Find the stillness in it. Listen. Have faith. Learn. Rise. Become stronger than your struggle.All my love and faith,Amy