The First Thing You Should Do To Restart Your Life
Before I start this post, I want to thank all of you for such a wonderful re-launch of the site! I was and am so amazed at the level of support that this community provides. I know we're going to achieve great things this year!Also, I want to welcome all the new subscribers to Strong Inside Out! My mission is to empower you through fitness and positive action to overcome life's obstacles. So if you have any questions, concerns or comments, please contact me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can! Think of me as a friend... that has years of experience in fitness and personal development. ;)Ok, NOW I'll begin... ;)So many people have reached out to me through the comments, Facebook, Twitter and email about my story that I revealed in detail on Monday. Many are from people that struggled with the same things I did, and others from people going through that turning point right now.A few of them were from people wondering what the first step to turn their lives around should be.I want to take this whole post to talk about this. This is so helpful for getting out of negative thinking and into the positive state of mind.This one decision was the common factor in becoming successful in my personal training career, feeling like depression didn't have a hold over me all the time, and finding a loving, healthy relationship.
Instead of focusing on yourself, do it to help others.
When I made the decision to act from love, to help above all else, my concerns took a backseat along with my selfish worries and insecurities. I shifted my focus to making life easier for other people.You know what I got in return? A hell of a lot of love back, loyal clients/friends, and I discovered that I could affect people in a positive way, which boosted my confidence.I showed myself that I could do it, that I am enough.In fact, I was reading Psychology Today (treadmill reading ;)) and found an article on self-esteem. One study showed that students who consciously chose to be supportive of a new roommate ended up receiving the same from him/her, and both experienced heightened self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is all about worrying that you're not good enough, and is the culprit for many people's self-defeating thoughts. These thoughts fight against your determination to turn your life around.
By heightening your self-esteem through putting the focus outside of yourself, you can allow those thoughts to fade away. Then, you can fill the space with reaffirming thoughts that you are helping someone else. This alone can boost your confidence.A lack of confidence can make the whole process of turning your life around take a lot longer than it should. Lucky for you, making the decision to focus on others doesn't need an increase in confidence to start, but it does happen as a result!
So... what if I don't want to help other people?
First of all, I don't believe you. I don't believe that anyone out there has completely destructive motives. If you sincerely think you don't, have you ever tried?
Do you not feel the least bit happy when you open the door for an old woman carrying groceries?
Do you feel numb when you give a homeless person a dollar?
Do you not care when you hear praises from your boss about the good work you've done?
Inherently, we all want to help society because it is in us to be part of a tribe. We want to help the tribe because it helps further ensure our own survival.
FINDING OUT how you want to help other people can be a bit more difficult. It's different for everyone.
I lucked out and got the easy way out; I want to help other people in a very direct way. But you don't have to want that for yourself. Not everyone will want to, nor should they.
Think about the activities that make you feel good. What are they? Why do they make you feel good?
You may think your answers are selfish, but let me show you how they're not. Here are a few examples:
Being successful at work feels good because you get more money, right? This can be helpful to others in a multitude of ways. How do you use that money? For your family? BAM! You're helping them. Who are you helping when you make the money at work? Your boss? Your coworkers? BAM! You're helping them, too.
Instead of thinking: I want more money this quarter so I can buy X, Y or Z, try I want to do better this quarter to strengthen the company that I believe in or I want to do better this quarter so I can take my family to Costa Rica because my kids deserve to have that experience.
Finding love makes you feel awesome, right? But it's not just you that feels awesome falling in love. You're helping that other person find love, too! Think about it: love doesn't feel so good when the other person doesn't reciprocate. What's the point in staying with someone that's unhappy with you when you could be helping someone else find love? Look for that person that is going to feel lucky to have found you.Are you in a relationship that feels stagnant and you really want those fun tingly feelings again? Focus on what would make the other person happy. Now don't take this as a cue to become submissive and forget all about your own desires and values. This is about focusing on the positive things she loves, rather than the negative things you are feeling about the state of your relationship.If you want to re-inject some excitement into the relationship, start focusing on surprising her with things that make her happy. Even little things like bringing home her favorite take-out (healthy of course), offering to rub her shoulders, or leaving little notes for her to find before she goes to work.Want to get fit and healthy this year? Who would you be around longer for? How would it make you feel and how does that affect those around you? Even if your goal is selfish, think of ways that you could go about it that would help people. For instance, sign up for a race that benefits a charity or become a running partner for an under-privileged youth. Volunteering is a great way to help others while boosting your happiness... and sometimes even getting in a workout!Want to get out of your day job and follow your passion? How would you add value to the world by getting out of that job? You would stop feeding off that negative energy that your workplace inspires, and start adding positivity and enthusiasm into the world. You would be able to spend more time with your family and be the mother/father/wife/husband that your family deserves. If we were all doing what we love to do, think about how great a place the world would be.See? Not so hard!One thing to keep in mind:
While focusing on others and how you can help them, make sure not to lose yourself.
Don't forget that your joy is important. What I don't want to happen is for people to devote themselves to others, only to feel miserable doing so.•DO NOT GIVE MORE OF YOURSELF THAN YOU CAN.•CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF REGULARLY TO MAKE SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU STILL WANT AND THAT YOU ARE ENJOYING WHERE THIS IS TAKING YOU.•BE MINDFUL OF HOW YOU FEEL. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY AND YOUR ACTIONS ARE ADDING TO YOUR UNHAPPINESS, GET OUT.I know this post goes up against my Get Selfish post, but both are beneficial at certain times. Like I always say, EVERY BODY IS DIFFERENT. Everyone will react in different ways to each method. Choose the one that works for you and go with it!Also, I just released a 45-page actionable guide for free called Restart Your Life! It goes over the most crucial actions that I took to turn my own life around. You get it for free when you sign up for the email list.In what ways can you reframe the way you look at life? How can you take your goal and reframe it to help people, or go about achieving it in a way that would be beneficial to others? I'd love to hear your answers in the comments! Newbies: Don't be shy! I respond to everyone!