Scared As Hell To Be Happy

Fear is one of the most common obstacles keeping us from the life we deserve.  I lived in it, consumed by it for years.I've built this blog on the premise that I have overcome the obstacles that kept me from happiness.  That by letting go of the things that weighed me down (negative friendships, empty goals, etc.) I was able to allow the happiness I had been seeking for so long.I don't tell you, however, that I still get scared.  It still shocks me, this idea of happiness and how I've maintained it for so long.There's a part of me that's waiting for the other shoe to drop.No one can be happy for this long.  What makes you deserve this while others struggle?⬆  This is my old voice.  Let's call her Sad Me.Sad Me is so used to years and years of unhappiness, to getting through the day, all the while hoping tomorrow would never come so I could just stop hurting.Sad Me doesn't recognize all the work I've done.  She's still 21 years old and afraid of everything.She's afraid to live because she doesn't know what it feels like.  She's afraid to love because she gets destroyed every time.  She's afraid to be happy because every time she is, she ends up disappointed and broken.Sad Me doesn't know anything but pain and sadness.Sad Me exists in all of us, back from that time that was the worst of your life.  When you felt so down you didn't know if you'd get through it.Sad Me is much quieter now because I've learned how to sucker punch fear in the face, to show her how far I've come and that I am not the same person anymore.Rough times can either heighten fear and anxiety in us, leaving us with a loud Sad Me that discourages you from taking any chance toward happiness...

...Or those times can teach us how strong we are, and prove to Sad Me that she is wrong.

She only knows negativity; anything positive scares her.I have an idea for us: let's scare the s**t out of Sad Me so she stops bothering us.This way, we can start being happy and stop living in fear.Sound like a plan, Stan?  Let's do it.

What Did Your Rough Times Teach You?

We've all been through them.  Don't compare yours to others' because we've all had times when we just would have rather gone to bed again than wake up in the morning.What did that time in your life teach you about yourself?To answer this question, take your actions/fears before the rough times and compare them to the actions/fears you have now.

•Do you take less/more risks in life now?  Is this positive or negative?

•Do you avoid certain areas of life that you used to delve into before (relationships, art, friends, hobbies)?

•Did you add to other areas of your life that you have grown to love (same list as before)?

•In what ways are you now a stronger person?  What did making it through that experience teach you about your own strength?

•What are you now afraid of, that keeps you from experiencing life as you ideally would?

Jot down notes to the questions above in two separate columns: Positive and Negative.  Then, move on to the next section.

Identify The Actions You Need To Take

Look over both columns.  Concentrate on the positive and pat yourself on the back for them!You are a stronger person now for having gotten through it.Now look at the negative.  This column is Sad Me doing what she does best: keeping you from living the life you deserve to live.This is where we start to scare the pants off of her.  Let's show her that she has no power over us (for those of you that got that Labyrinth reference: yay!).What is keeping you from taking action to rid yourself of those fears or negative habits you've formed?Here are some examples:•If you're afraid to date because of a nasty breakup, consider all the positive things you love about being in a relationship: the feeling of falling in love, the support you get from your partner, the possibilities of adventure that you can have together.•If you're afraid to look for a new job or follow your passion because you have lost your job before, consider that you could end up living the rest of your life in a job that is slowly killing you inside.  Weigh that fact with the other possibilities and see which you would rather live with.•If you're afraid to start eating right or working out again because you've tried and failed in the past, know that you're one step closer to finding a method that works for you; you already found out one that doesn't!  Not every method works for every body.  You're going to have to do some guess and check.Jot these wake-up calls down in ink right next to those negative column items to remind yourself that those fears can be overcome.  Take the power away from Sad Me and own your life again.

Find Your Happy Place

You're probably still afraid, and I don't blame you.  We've tried fighting back Sad Me, and now she's furious, lashing out with all your worst fears, anxieties and memories of things gone wrong to try to scare you into inaction.But you're worth more than that.  We all are.

You deserve nothing short of an extraordinary life.

So go claim it.Those actions that you were so scared to take?  Look at the reasoning you jotted down from the last step: what do you have to fear now?  The possibilities are laid out for you in ink.  You have a chance to make this life yours.Will you take it?