Why You'll Never Have It All (& Why It's A Good Thing)
I was in LA this weekend visiting friends, helping my brother move and catching up with a few virtual clients. It was a jam-packed weekend, but I'm so grateful I got to sit down with one of my friends for brunch in the middle of all of it.We were talking over smoked trout and goat cheese (how very LA of us) when the subject of suffering came up. This girl is one of the most intelligent, drop-dead gorgeous (inside and out) people I've ever met, and she said something genius... like she always does:
"Just because I see someone who has what I want, doesn't mean that their struggle is any less than my own. It's just in different places."
...and the truth rang clear as a bell.Many of the issues we talk about here grow from one simple root: our inability to enjoy life in the present.We don't like certain parts of our physical appearance, or we don't think we're smart enough, or we're not worth enough.It may have sprouted from the way we were raised or a single traumatic event. Perhaps it came from a deep place of doubt and fear. No matter how this "lacking" formed in the first place, it grew bigger than you ever expected. It's magnified other parts of you that were fine before, but now seem to have become obstacles blocking you from happiness.You await that day that it's all "fixed" so that you can finally have that joy in your life. You know, the kind of joy that people who don't have this problem seem to live with every day.That perception is where the trouble lies.We all struggle. We all suffer. The people we look to as "having it all?" They suffer, too. Maybe not with what we want most in the world, but maybe they look to you and see something they want more than anything.Waiting to experience joy because we feel we are not worth it if we don't have A, B or C is just ridiculous. We will always be working toward something. We will never, ever be perfect. When you reach goal A, you'll decide it's not enough. You'll experience the triumph for a few days... but then it's different than you expected. That single goal achievement is not the answer to everlasting happiness like you thought, so you start thinking something's wrong. You determine you're still lacking, and so Goal B is born and strived for, happiness put off again until the day when you "have what they have."I understand you want to show others that you can indeed overcome these challenging obstacles. To prove ourselves strong is one of the most powerful motivating factors out there for many of us (myself included). And I say, don't get rid of that.On your way down that road, however, why don't you take your time to stop and look up at the stars? Why don't you notice the people, places, smells, sounds around you and–while keeping your focus on your intention–enjoy them?Enjoying life in the present will not keep you from attaining your goals. In fact, it will likely get you to them more quickly.I can't tell you the number of times I've seen gym-goers fight and fight for a goal and then give up at the last second because they're so GD miserable!They live only for the goal. Nothing else matters. They come into the gym, sweating and grunting and heaving... but never smiling. Never enjoying the process throughout. It's only the means and the end can't come fast enough.But when they realize that their life will involve this torture forever if they want to keep these changes in the long-term, they give it up because they never found joy in it.Goals are wonderful. They keep us challenged and growing. But if you don't for one second realize that your life right now has every potential for happiness as it will when you get "there," then baby, I'm here to tell you:
You can be happy now. You can enjoy life now. You can have love, beauty, joy, celebration and light now.
Just because you're struggling with one part of it, doesn't make the rest a wash. Acknowledge the parts of your life that aren't difficult. You can be in it without losing your focus. Trust me. I only just realized it myself.The next time you see someone who "has it all going for them," check yourself by acknowledging the hidden struggle they face, too. Take a second to remember that nobody has it all, but we can still have a wonderful time without it.If this post helps you gain just an ounce of perspective, and maybe allows you one single inhale of relief that you don't have to wait any longer, I will be very happy. If you liked this post, please share it so we can get more people in on this joy fest.Here's to your struggle, and the joyous life that surrounds it.Stay strong,Amy