Stop Should-ing Your Life Away
So I've had what many would deem some disappointments lately.
People not showing up when they're supposed to.
Things not happening on time.
*deep breath in**...and release*Many would get defeated, and go into victim mode.
Why me?
Why can't they just______?
I should be...
And I started getting that way. You know from reading A Simple Way to Reduce Stress that I've been dealing with some stress and that adopting the mantra, "Maybe this is just how it's supposed to be right now," has helped me greatly to overcome it.Now I'm focusing on getting rid of "Should."
Should is one of those words that traps people in a helpless state.
It should go like this.
They should act like this.
Life should be like this.
I should look like this.
I should be able to do this.
I shouldn't feel like this.
It sucks the power right out of you and places you in the roll of victim.Well, guys, as you well know by now, I'm anti-victim. After playing victim for so much of my life, I decided to take responsibility and do the best I can with what I'm given.Now, when I start thinking that something "should" be a certain way, I start asking myself why?What instance am I comparing this one to, and why am I even comparing at all?Your life is unique. You–at this moment–have your own personality, are going to influence your surroundings in a completely unique way, and have people in your life as well as personal events that will be totally individual to you.So comparing your being to someone else's is a faulty process. Nothing "should" be like anything. Life just happens as it will, not as it "should."Releasing control over what "should" happen, and simply allowing what will happen has been a working process for me over the last few years. I've become more aware of it, especially over the last year, and am starting to catch myself in the act of thinking this way.Now, what I'm going to take you through today is the process by which I start turning this mind frame into one of allowance, which will release a lot of those feelings of helplessness and victimization.
I want you to feel powerful again.
So use these tips and, together, we'll stop should-ing all over ourselves. ;)
Listen to your "Should"s
So this step is probably already taken care of because, after reading the intro to this post, you're now aware of your shoulds.Start becoming aware of the most prevalent ones: Are you should-ing about any areas of your life more than others?For me, my constant should is this:"I should be doing more."Because of it, I get caught up in committing myself to too many things, injuring myself from too many workouts, or getting over-excited about things too soon.Being aware of it makes the next step in the process possible.
What are you comparing to?
Ok, now that you've caught yourself in the middle of a should, take a breath and look at it from above. Step out of the emotion of "what should be" and look at your situation as if you were someone else.Who/what are you comparing your situation to?Here are a couple of examples:
If you're thinking that someone should act a certain way, ask yourself:
Has someone treated you differently in the past?
Do you know someone who is in a similar relationship who is treated differently?
If you're thinking a situation should have gone differently, ask yourself:
Were you expecting a different outcome? Why?
Do you know someone who's been through something similar?
Have you been through something similar before?
Simply gather this information and move on to the next step:
Stop it.
Comparisons will kill you. Remember what I said at the top?Comparing your being to someone else's is a faulty process. Nothing "should" be like anything. Life just happens as it will, not as it "should."Remind yourself that this is happening, no matter what. You know what you're should-ing will accomplish?Squat.This person, this situation, what you're doing is new to the world.So stop it. Realize that there is no point in shoulding whatever is happening. Just let it be what it is, then move on.
What do you want and how can you get it?
If you're shoulding, you're not getting what you want out of the situation/person, right?So how can we fix that?First of all, we have to look at the situation as we did above, and realize that we set expectations of how this situation should go down, or how we should be treated by someone else.Unfortunately, we can't control external factors. We can only control our reactions to them.So now we have to look at what can actually be done to right the situation.Do you have to talk to this person about their performance? Do you need to do something differently in order to get a different result? Do you need to adjust your expectations?By taking action, much of the anxiety caused by should-ing will subside, even if it doesn't get solved right away.Anxiety is caused by the feeling of helplessness or fear. When you take control of your own actions, you do as much as you can to combat those emotions.
Get your power back: DO SOMETHING.
When you let go of what "should be," you allow yourself to experience "what is."...If you think about it, that's your whole life, right? "What is."So if you go through life constantly thinking "I should be this," or "they should do that," you're going to miss the entire journey, and that sucks.So let's reclaim your life today, so that it's not entirely shot to should. (last should joke, I promise!)
On that note...
It is my pleasure to introduce to you the trailer for an amazing film that is right in line with my upcoming book.It's called I'm Fine, Thanks, and there are some awesome people behind it! I am honored to have been interviewed for it and am really looking forward to its release.I would really appreciate it if you would show your support by simply watching this video. It's jam-packed with inspiring individuals and some prolific advice. Not to mention that it is preaching exactly what I stand for!Hope you like it, and if you do, please share with your friends! ... and maybe even donate to the kickstarter campaign by clicking here!If you dig the message from the trailer, you won't want to miss out on my new guide. It's coming soon and is well worth the wait!Make sure you keep up to date on the latest, and get subscriber-only deals by signing up for the email list below!If you liked this post, check out Dealing with Unmet Expectations and Death by Comparison: Why You Should Stop Trying to Be Someone Else.This is your official invite to join me on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter. Please do come over. It will be ever so inspiring!