Becoming The Person You Wish You Could Be In 4 Steps
In middle and high school, I remember looking to one girl in particular as "the one to be." It wasn't because of her unique beauty, or even the fact that she had a rocking body. It was because she didn't discriminate between the hierarchy that is all-too prevalent in those years.She would talk to the geeks (me) just as readily as she would to the popular kids (her group). And she did it with such joy and presence- she genuinely cared what you had to say. There wasn't any judgment or condescension when she would reply. She honestly regarded everyone as equals. She made every student feel accepted, even if they usually felt like outcasts.She doesn't know that I've always held her as an example for myself when I talk to people. At times when I'm feeling annoyed or selfish, I ask myself, "What would Billie do?" Reminding myself of her ability to be present and patient with everyone she was around, and the effect she had on those she graced, is often enough to bring me back to the moment and to my driving motivation of helping and supporting others.Do you have that person in mind, that you have always been in awe of, and held as your higher standard? That person that has all the qualities you want, gets everything you want, and radiates positive, strong energy?If you don't, do you know how you wish you could always be? What qualities matter most to you? What values do you want to embody? What situations can you recall that make you think, If I could only be like that all the time...Well, I've got news for you:You can.You can be that person that you've always wanted to be. There is nothing holding you back from embodying those values and personality traits that you admire.Here, we'll go over steps to identifying exactly what you value and how to start incorporating those qualities into your own life.
Step 1. Quantify Their Qualities
In this step, we're going to break down the values and qualities of the person you look up to so that we know exactly what we are working towards.How does the person that you admire (either an actual person or the person you want to be) act?Does she smile from her insides? Does he make eye contact while you're speaking? Does she go after what she wants and succeeds most of the time? When he fails, does he take it in stride?When you have the actions of the person you admire in mind, start thinking of the root–where those actions stem from inside.If she genuinely smiles most of the time, you can guess that she is optimistic, constantly looking to the silver lining in life, and taking notice of the little things that bring her joy.If he makes eye contact when you are speaking, we can assume that he truly listens to what you have to say. He is attentive.If she takes action on her goals and finds victory in most situations, let's say she is fearless. It takes an extraordinary amount of courage to constantly go after your dreams, not knowing if you will succeed or not.If he doesn't let the failures get him down, we can most likely say that he is resilient. He doesn't put his worth into succeeding in one avenue or another. If he falls, he gets right back up again and looks to the next opportunity. He knows it's not the end of the world- it's how we all grow.By going to the root of the actions this person takes, we find the values and personality traits that we want to embody ourselves.
Step 2. Why Aren't You Already Embodying These Qualities In Your Life?
This is where you might need to get your hands dirty...Go through the qualities you came up with from the first step and ask yourself why you aren't making them a part of your own personality.Here, we can find the obstacles holding you back from being the person you want to be.Think back to situations in your life that you wish you had handled with the qualities you determined above. Why didn't you?If you find that you often want to be this way, but another negative emotion or quality overrides it, know this:You are the only one that can give yourself permission to change. If you want to be this way, do it.No one is holding you back except yourself.This is a simple realization, but it is crucial to change, and to becoming the person you want to be.
Step 3. Acknowledge Your Actions
This step might take a bit, but be patient!Habits take practice.When you find yourself acting in a way that isn't in line with the values you noted above, acknowledge it.You don't have to do anything about it yet; just become aware of the way you are acting.How often does this happen? Are there any people in particular that trigger the negativity in you?What thoughts or feelings are holding you back from acting the way you want to?
Step 4. Become The Person You Want To Be
After a few weeks of being mindful, start replacing those negative actions with positive ones that embody the qualities you came up with in Step #1.Upon awareness, think of those roots from which you wish to act from, and do it. All it takes is a moment. In this moment, you can be who you want to be.Summon those qualities and act genuinely from them.If you're thinking, I just don't feel that way naturally, you're copping out. It needs to be a choice to find that part of yourself and use it right now.Everyone has these positive qualities. It's those that choose to employ them that become their best selves.As you practice this more often, you will steadily get a handle on it, and it will become effortless. When this happens, you are the person you want to be!Voila! Self-realization!*****I haven't talked to Billie in over 10 years, but I think about her often. I know if I did, she would probably be just as warm and inspiring as she was back then. With people that act with an open soul, it's a lifelong manifesto.At this point in my life, however, I embody those traits that I looked up to so much back then... most of the time. :) Even now, I still have work to do to become the person I want to be, but it is a constant exercise.You can always act more genuinely from your true, base self.I hope these steps have helped all of you realize that becoming that person is not as far-fetched as you once thought. In fact, it's pretty basic. Employing these steps and ingraining them into your personality takes work.Are you willing to put effort into being who you've always wanted to be?I want to hear all about your experiences! In the comments below, please feel free to write about any trouble you may be having with these steps, your victories on the journey to becoming your dream self, or anything else I can help you with. I want to help as much as I can, so even if you don't want to put your story in front of everyone else, feel free to email me through my contact page.*****On another note, Strong Inside Out turned 3 months old last week, and I am thrilled with the community that is growing here! Everyone is so supportive and encouraging, which is exactly what I had dreamed of for this site!Over the next few months, some exciting changes are coming to Strong Inside Out. Your input is of utmost importance to me, as you are the reason I write this blog. I would love to hear your feedback!Are you happy with what you've been seeing here? Is there anything you would like to see more or less of? Do you relate to a few posts in particular? Where do you enjoy reading the most: personal development, positivity, fitness/nutrition advice, or personal stories?I would be so happy to incorporate your ideas into the changes that are coming to the site! Please shoot me a line here, as well as any questions you may have about your personal journey.Anyone that offers up their take on the blog over the next month will get a personal reply and wellness coach-worthy advice pertaining to your questions.I usually charge a lot of money for that folks, so take advantage! ;)To Becoming Your Best Self,Amy