Hi! I’m Amy Clover.
I’m a fitness personality for Cyberobics & McFit, motivational speaker, mental health advocate, writer and Nerd Fitness Headmaster… but there was a time when getting out of bed was my win for the day.
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate who’s looking back, to feel trapped in a relationship you shouldn’t be in, to think that you’re so broken you’re beyond healing. I know what it’s like to be clinically depressed, as it was that very problem that almost caused me to take my own life back in 2005.
I am here as living proof that you can rise above the darkness and live a life of full of light.
Each post is designed to give you practical ways or inspiration to start implementing change in yourself. Thank you for the opportunity to help you discover happiness and live the life you deserve! If you’re interested in hearing more about what lead me to start this blog, read below.
In high school, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. If I wasn’t sad, I was angry, taking it out on my fellow students and teachers. Let’s just say I wasn’t afraid to make a scene.
I tried to escape my own raging emotions through taking drugs and going to raves and punk shows, but nothing helped. In fact, my emotional issues worsened as I got further along in school, and they followed me to the other coast when I left for college.
At 17, I moved to New York City- across the country from anyone I knew. I jammed through my classes, made new friends… and put on a few pounds. A “few,” meaning twice the freshman fifteen.
When I decided to move back to the West Coast, I was unhealthy in all realms.
My depression cycled in and out unpredictably, I was eating whatever the hell I wanted to (ice cream tastes better if you eat the whole pint, right?), and I wasn’t exercising more than walking to the subway station 2 blocks away.
I was lethargic all the time and I felt horrible about myself and the way that I looked. I wanted to look like a model, and I was ready to do anything to achieve it.
This was the time to change it all. This was the beginning of my new life.
The surest path to success is failure…
Starting a new life was a lot harder than I expected. I began a new diet, but when I got tired of being so strict, I binged on candy and fast food sandwiches, and gained all the weight back that I had lost. Then I’d try another diet that had the same results.
When a few diets proved un-maintainable, I started taking diet pills to lose weight… and I did! I also lost some of my memory and worsened my depression.
I just wanted to be someone else so badly. I wanted to be as skinny as the other girls in LA, and because I wasn’t, I felt worthless.
I was constantly trying to find ways to escape who I really was through extreme weight loss methods and drugs/alcohol. They all failed to provide lasting results and I felt like a failure because I couldn’t fit into the mold I had made for myself.
I hated me.
The Breaking Point
One late night in 2005, I had hit an all-time low. There was simply no point to my existence anymore. I decided to commit suicide.
I had the knife out and I wrote my note. I called an ex-boyfriend who I was still close to to say goodbye, and he begged me to call someone for help. I called a suicide hotline, and they calmed me down enough for me to put the knife away and go to bed.
The next morning, I went to the emergency room for help and got into a program that provided support and information that I hadn’t been able to find anywhere else.
When I finished the program, I knew it was time to turn my life around.
From that point forward, I started working on myself from the inside out.
As I started gaining more confidence through doing self-work, I started to realize that THIS was the key to lasting results. I wanted to work out and eat healthy because I felt better doing it! I re-discovered working out as a way to get rid of stress and to feel strong both mentally and physically…and it was FUN! After I work up a sweat, I feel like I can accomplish anything and – more importantly – that I am enough.
I am who I am meant to be. All I can do is keep challenging myself to be even truer to who I am.
Through this mindset, I got fit and healthy, became a personal trainer and corrective exercise specialist, and finally discovered happiness through self-acceptance.
I’m not a size 2 anymore like I was when I was taking diet pills. I still feel inklings of jealousy when I look at people with lean legs and flat stomachs. I still get hit with depressive episodes sometimes. But I am content with who I am, I know the darkness will pass when it comes, and I get stronger every day.
I rose above the life sentence that I thought I was stuck with for life – my goal now is to empower you to become stronger than your struggle, too.
The Strong Inside Out articles and community are here to inspire, support, and challenge you to be your truest self and achieve the thriving life you deserve. It’s my wish for you that you realize this joy and peace I have found in getting healthy inside and out!
Always feel free to comment- this is a supportive, encouraging community that wants to help. It’s yours for the taking! I will comment back as much as I can to help you personally.
So here’s to your strength. You are stronger than your struggle – let us help you realize it!