Hello, everyone! The tour is off to a great start, and I can’t wait to go international with this thing (Burnaby tonight!).
And at the same time, I’m struggling.
The morning I left to drive up to Northern California, I got a text from my Mom that said, “Grandpa’s in the hospital. He had a seizure and they’re not sure what’s wrong.”
Luckily, Northern California is where I’m from, and I was actually planning to stay with my grandparents when I got up there. It ended up being a very good thing.
Grandpa came home from the hospital on Thursday, and it is obvious that things are off.
Within the first 15 minutes of him being home, he fell, scraping a good 2 square inches of skin off his elbow. Luckily, that’s all that got hurt.
My Grandpa, who normally is the feisty, witty type was now removed, disconnected with spurts of confusion and extreme lethargy.
The next day, we found out that he had had a stroke. Even the neurologist was shocked- none of the signs pointed to a stroke.
Grandpa’s feeling better now, and is more responsive than he was that first day home from the hospital. He knows what’s going on.
When we talked to him about how it would take time and work to get better, the old Grandpa returned as he said confidently:
“I’m gonna fight this thing.”
I believe my Grandpa will recover because he has that sense of fight in him. It got him through a lot of tough times.
…But the uncertainty of the situation breaks me apart.
I talk all the time about taking control of your life. Take responsibility for your goals. Create the life you want to live.
But there’s a lot in life that we can’t control.
And this is a hard thing for me to accept. Especially right now.
I’m struggling right now because I can’t fix this thing. I can’t tell him a sure route to getting better. I can’t tell him it will all turn out ok because I just don’t know.
And I can’t stay with him right now.
So as I go on this journey of accepting that I can’t control this situation, I urge you to take it with me.
To all you fighters out there who struggle to control and fix things, let me just say to you that sometimes, you can’t.
Allow this to empower you to let go of what you can’t control so that you can devote all that energy to the things you can.
I’ve wasted so much of my energy in the past worrying about all the uncertainty in my life. I’m stressed about this tour because I have no idea what to expect. I’ve never done this before.
And now I realize that that uncertainty can be a beautiful thing.
When your mind starts to drift to uncertainties, why not consider the possibilities?
When you start thinking of the worst, why not remind yourself of what you have to be grateful for?
I walked into the first bootcamp not knowing what to expect; not knowing if I could teach at the level I usually do.
There ended up not being as many people there as I thought there would be (which was one of my fears).
But I took a deep breath, and I taught my effing heart out.
And at the end, when I told my story, tears were streaming. I made some real friends that day, and brought awareness to the amazing crew that was there. One of them even came out to the SF bootcamp the next day!
Not to mention, we earned about $300 for TWLOHA this weekend!
Grandpa, as stubborn as he is, refused to miss my bootcamp. He and my Grandma had been looking forward to it for weeks.
He sat on the sidelines, smiling, drifting sometimes, but always coming back. Always fighting.
To all you fighters out there (and that’s all of you), keep fighting, but remember there’s a point where you have to just let go and let it be.
I’m not going to stop fighting to create this widespread hope, and I want you fighting alongside me.
Here are the bootcamps and Movement Meetups coming up this week:
Tonight @ 6 pm!
Thursday, March 21st @ 6 pm
Saturday, March 23rd @ 8:30 am
Sunday, March 24th @ 10 am
Monday, March 25th @ 6 pm
Grandpa, I know you wish I was there with you right now, and I wish I could be, too. But I hope you know that this tour is a fight I can win, too. You fight at home, and I’ll fight out here for all those people who need someone to show them that they can win.
With hope and fire,