Death by Comparison: Why You Should Stop Trying To Be Someone Else

I have beautiful friends.  I don't just say this because they're my friends, I say this because they are literally BEAUTIFUL.  Two of my best friends are some of the fittest people I know.  Andrea is a pilates instructor.  She grew up a dancer and has maintained her petite, slim frame ever since thanks to healthy eating habits and a rigorous training program (I know this because I train her and because she kicks her own butt in pilates as much as she kicks mine :)).  Kirsten is an actress and yoga instructor.  She's about 5'10" and is going into fitness modeling because everybody keeps yelling at her to do so.  She's long and lean and looks like she could take on Lara Croft any day of the week (I train her too :D).  Both are gorgeous inside and out and I am so grateful to have them in my life.  That said, I find myself often looking at them with jealousy and frustration.  I work just as hard as these girls do and my body still looks different than theirs!  I find myself comparing myself to them- they're waists are tinier, their thighs are thinner, their arms are leaner.  They tell me all the time how good I look and as I thank them, I secretly think, but I still don't look like you.This behavior of always comparing oneself to others plagues just about everyone I've ever met.  I always thought it was just part of the journey of getting fit- you compare yourself to others so that you can keep refining your goals.  "I want her arms!"  "If I could just lose a couple more pounds, my abs would show as much as his!"At The World Domination Summit that I attended a month ago, Karen Walrond- writer of The Beauty of Different and the blog at chookoloonks.com- spoke.  Her speech was my favorite of the whole weekend because of what it preached: that everyone's uniqueness is what makes them beautiful.  It's not that you look like a model that makes you interesting, it's what you had to overcome in your life to achieve that.  It's not your smile that attracts people to you, it's the joy that fuels it.  Walrond made me aware of a principle that I hope will stick with me forever:

"When you compare yourself to someone else, you're comparing your insides to their outsides."

This quote speaks for itself.  How do you know what that person with the washboard abs has gone through in his life to lead him to that body?  When you aim to be another person, you will always lose, even if you actually achieve your physical goals.  Your achievement of those will leave you lacking because you will still be YOU.  So how can you be the best you possible?This is where getting fit for the fun of it comes in.  Yay!Stop torturing yourself with things you hate doing and find what makes you happy while getting fit!  What activities are fun to you?  Focus on getting better at those and making them your primary workouts.  Can't think of any forms of exercise that you really enjoy?  Think of the ones that are the least torturous and find ways to make those even more bearable.  For instance, I used to hate running... until I bought an ipod.  Hallelujah!  After experiencing music during exercise, it's hard to ever go back to the droning silence or awful, awful music that plays in the gym.  I make specific playlists for workouts and runs that fire me up to go faster and work harder.  If you're brand new to an activity, music can help distract you from the painful, slower parts of it.  Other ideas for making workouts more fun: drag a friend, hire a trainer to shed light on the things you don't know how to do well, or find a different way to do what you're doing (go faster/slower, inject intervals in between sets, or change up your rep/set scheme).The next step is equally if not more important than having fun while getting fit.  You must accept who you are.  If you're not built like a Victoria's Secret Model or Taylor Lautner (hehehe), you won't die.  And you know what?  I bet there is something about you that Miranda Kerr or Jacob would envy, inside or out.  This is always a welcome wake up call when I start placing too much weight on how my body is lacking in comparison to someone else- there is always someone else out there that wants what YOU have.  Always.  Let that marinate for a few, then recognize some qualities in yourself that you are grateful for, and that might make someone else jealous.  This will help you see the jealousy predicament from outside yourself, and hopefully cause you to take a step back and realize that you don't have it so bad.I asked my friends if I could use their names, but they have no idea of the subject matter I am posting, nor would they ever guess that I have had these feelings about them.  I come across as pretty confident, but even the most confident people have their insecurities.  EVERYONE has their own issues.  Just because someone is in obnoxiously good shape doesn't mean that his/her life is perfect or even close.  Looks are just one facet of the person.  In situations in which you don't feel up to par, take a second to remember those qualities about yourself that I had you recognize above.  Revel in those and be proud of them.Now go out there and be the best YOU you can be!Amy