Challenging The "Can't" Mindset
When you consider shifting your mindset to a more positive one, is there a part of you that thinks it's completely impossible?Maybe it's not even a small part.For anyone who hasn't achieved a drastic shift, there will always be an underlying disbelief that it is possible... Until you achieve it.I'm here to show you, as proof, that it is possible. But I still hear from a lot of people that they "can't" do it because they're "not as driven," or they "just aren't as strong."Bull, guys. I didn't start off like this. I started at the bottom of a freaking pit of despair.If I can pull myself out of that hole, there is absolutely no reason why you can't, too. No matter how dark it seems for you right now.It's just a choice. It's as simple and difficult as that.The difficulty lies in breaking the cycle of your reactions to your triggers. You must sit with the pain and discomfort of change as you transform your mindset into one of your making. You have to resist the pull of what's familiar, even if what's familiar is killing you.One of the most important steps we take in The Intensive is to approach these old habits and challenge them. We become aware of our triggers and reset our reactions to them.But first, you have to believe that it's possible.What I'd like to do today is challenge that part of your brain that tells you it's impossible. I want to get in that delightfully complicated mind of yours and rewire some connections so that you start questioning that automatic "I can't."I've written about Quitting "I Can't" before, so I've included information here that delves a little deeper into steps to take to get out of that perspective.There are a two essential tools I've developed on my journey to positive thinking that I'm sure will be able to help you, too. Maybe only one will jolt you out of that disbelief. But one's all we need...
1. Why not you?
If you've read Make This Your Moment, you know how this goes down. For those of you who haven't read it yet, and for those of you who need a little bit of reminding, here goes...When you think to yourself that other people who achieve their dreams are "different" than you, stop for a second and consider this: everyone is different. Everyone has different goals for very different reasons. Everyone comes from a different background with a different amount of resources. Everyone thinks differently and acts differently."Different" is no longer your excuse to write off the achievements of others. It is now your excuse to find your unique way of making it happen.
Why can't YOU be that success story?
Why don't YOU deserve what every other person on this planet deserves?
Why aren't YOU worth fighting for?
I bet you're struggling to come up with a concrete answer, huh? That's because you are.
You can. You deserve it. You are worth fighting for. [click to tweet]
Instead of asking "Why?" and looking for ways to get out of taking responsibility for your life and your achievements, you will now ask, "Why not?"Challenge your inner defeatist and fight to be the hero of your own life.
2. Where's the evidence?
One of the first tactics I was taught when going through cognitive behavioral therapy was to search for evidence to support the negative thoughts that worsened anxiety or depression.Most often, when I searched for evidence to support the catastrophic thoughts, I couldn't find any.My mind was imagining itself into the worst situations that I started to believe as truth because of their constant repetition!To break the spiral, I had to create a habit of looking for evidence when my brain created anxiety- or depression-provoking thoughts. This is exactly what I recommend you start doing as well. Here's how I got started...Whenever I began to feel anxious, stressed or depressed, I knew my mind was spiraling.I would take these actions:
- Stop.
- Take a deep breath.
- Ask myself what was going on. "What am I thinking?"
For the purpose of this post, let's say I was thinking, "No one wants to hang out with me. I'm just a burden to all of my friends. They're just being nice and letting me tag along."My mind was telling me that I was a burden, so using this tactic of evidence-searching, I would ask myself what proof I had of that thought, and I would be honest with myself as I answered.Now, going through most thoughts, I had no proof, but there were times when I found some.So what do you do when you find evidence to support your negative thought? You look for a way to deal with it. Whether that means accepting the situation as is and letting go of your attachment to the outcome, finding a way to fix it, or leaving that situation completely to preserve your peace of mind.In the case of those friends, I actually did end up leaving them behind because I found evidence that I wasn't wanted. It hurt so much at the time to face that truth, but after leaving them, I developed the type of close-knit friendships I'd been searching for my whole life.Remember that you must make space for good things in your life. If that means dropping the things that don't serve you, do it.In that same thought, if that means taking on something that will help you achieve the life you want, do it.Overcoming old negative thought patterns takes work and devotion, but it is possible. It can be your reality.We've only got one chance at this. Let's make it epic.
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[gravityform id="18" title="true" description="true"]Looking forward to hearing all about your rewiring!Stay strong,Amy