The 3 Words That Will Transform Your Life
This past weekend, I attended Gabrielle Bernstein's Spirit Junkies Master Class. It's a beautiful, intense weekend of opening, fear-releasing and power-harnessing unlike any I've ever experienced.I came away from it glowing. Vibrating. Feeling reconnected to my purpose and my source of strength.Among many of the lessons I learned that weekend, one of the most important that guides me through every moment in every day since is this:
Act as if.
It's something I've heard before. It's something I've tried to practice before. But it's something I didn't really get until this weekend.
If you want change, act as if you already have changed.
When people come to me for specific goals, they're usually ready to welcome those goals into their lives. It's rare, however, that they're ready to release what's blocking them from achieving the lives they want.Let's chat right quick about the necessity of release in order to welcome change.Many people think release is restriction– that release means never being able to have things that bring joy ever again. For that reason, most rebel against it or they deny that there's anything to release in the first place.If you're in a state of being that you're unhappy with, you're holding onto something that you don't need.There will be a few of you out there who will be angry that I said that. "I don't choose to be this way!" they'll say. And to that, I'd like to lovingly retort: no, you didn't, but you do indeed have a part in it.We talk a lot about depression and anxiety here. It's a touchy subject, I realize. I danced around it and hid my struggle for most of my life. I get it.If I had heard that I was holding onto things I didn't need back when I was struggling, I'd have fought me, too. Because I refused to take responsibility for my pain.What I didn't realize was that my pain was something I clung to for comfort – as harmful as it was, it was familiar. I knew that pain better than anything else in my life, and it knew me. It was always there for me, even if it hurt. I could count on it.People had told me all my life that I had disorders that I'd have to deal with for the rest of my life, which taught me to "act as if" I was incurable. I was a lost cause. I was hopeless. I was f***ed. For the rest of my life, I'd be a victim to this overwhelming darkness.So I acted as if I had no choice. I gave up all my power to it and let it lead me into negative relationships, addictions, anger, hate and deep depressions. I almost let it kill me.Then, something happened. An ex-boyfriend of mine told me that I didn't have to let it control me. He argued that I could release my OCD and depression it if I wanted to.At first, I was angry. How insensitive of him. He had no idea! He didn't struggle with these disorders! He didn't know how much I'd hurt and for how long! If he dealt with these issues, he surely wouldn't tell me I had a choice.It took me 3 years from first hearing it from him to finally let it sink in, to acknowledge that there may be some truth to it. It was after we broke up, and I was lost. I was lonely, struggling with the thought of giving up acting, and wracked with anxiety, depression and addiction once again. Until I admitted to a friend that I was "tired of being the victim." (read the post all about it here)When I got home that night, I realized that the victim role wasn't one that I was forced to take; it was one I accepted by refusing the role of hero. It was an eye-opening day. That was the day I started acting as if.I didn't feel better yet. I didn't know how to be the person I knew I wanted to become. I just knew that I was exhausted by the way I had been. I knew I didn't want to wait for it to happen for me anymore. I wanted to create it.
I decided to act as if I was that person I wanted to become - happy, confident, loving, worthy of love and inspirational.
As I did, I realized I couldn't adopt this new frame of thinking without releasing negative thoughts first. It would have been literally impossible to be a more positive person while being consumed by negative thoughts. The two could not co-exist at the forefront of my mind; there simply wasn't enough space.With breathing exercises and consistent movement paired with mantras, I shifted my mind away from the negative with constant reframing. It was so hard to catch myself every time I experienced thoughts that didn't serve me, and to go through my cognitive behavioral therapy exercises to look for the truth within them, and then shift them to a thought that would serve me. But I stuck to it because the person I wanted to become would have. So I acted as if I could, too, and found that I was fully capable of it even if it was difficult. I became more mindful than I'd ever been, releasing the fear and acting as if I was already this person.After a few months, I found that acting as if I was this person had led me to become her. I had become a successful fitness entrepreneur because the person I wanted to become wasn't worried about the money I was charging; she knew she could help people and that she couldn't do it without feeling secure in her finances. I had started dating a guy I swear I created from my imagination (he's my husband now) because the person I wanted to be said "Yes" to opportunities to meet new people, even if I was an introvert at heart and deathly afraid of the dating scene.I wasn't "cured" of my depression and OCD as my ex-boyfriend said (to that extent, I believe he was wrong), but I got the upper hand with coping mechanisms, support and a routine that helped to prevent triggers and relieve the darkness whenever it did roll around.I was leading my clients to extraordinary transformations, being a loyal and giving friend, and eager to spread my message of hope to the world all because I had started acting as if instead of waiting to become.If I had waited, I'd still be waiting. There's never a time when you just magically show up in the world you want. It takes acceptance, constant self-work, action and allowing for it all to come together. With the three words – act as if – you bring yourself directly into that world.
Act as if, and you will be.
I didn't feel like this girl when I started to act as if. I just believed that she would show up. I didn't force it or push the disorders away. I focused on releasing them through breath and sweat, and welcomed in a different way of life. When I loosened my control with faith and acted as if, I became.If you're planning to join any of my programs, don't read this next part because you'll no longer need me. ;)Inner strength, a healthy weight, love, confidence, inner peace, endurance, patience, and anything else you could ever want are yours when you act as if you already have them.If you're going for inner strength, how does the person act who already has it? She doesn't let her doubts or fears keep her from living her life; she acknowledges them, feels them, then moves forward with an action that will lead her to her goals in spite of those negative feelings.If you're going for weight loss, how does the person act who has already lost? She eats for fuel, not for comfort. She chooses foods that sustain her and give her energy. She eats when she's hungry and doesn't obsess about calories. She moves her body and celebrates that she is beautiful as she is, and has always been.And so on with any goal you want. Any goal.You are capable of transforming your life right now. If nothing else, try it like a game. Act as if for a day and fully commit to it. If you hate it, release it (I'd recommend trying again in a week or two just to make sure it wasn't that day that was off). It would be quite surprising to me if you hated it, but every experience is different.Are you ready to give it a shot?
Tweet me today or tomorrow (June 22nd or 23rd, 2015) and I'll send you a personalized nugget of inspiration.
Click here to commit to #actasif
Looking forward to hearing all about your transformation!Stay strong,Amy