If you resonate with what I write and my story, it’s likely you – like me – are a person of extremes.
With us, it’s black or white. It’s all or nothing. It’s go broke or go home.
We are extremists in action and perspective.
There’s much to be said for extreme thinkers. We build projects that change the world for the better. We have the big ideas and the energy to play them out… until we don’t.
We hit the ceiling of one extreme and come crashing down to the other. Rock bottom again? I know thee well.
You blame yourself.
“If only I could have kept it going,” you ponder. “What’s wrong with me?! I could have kept it up, but I’m weak. I don’t have the willpower. It always comes back to this. I’m a failure.”
Even in this thought process, the extreme is present. What once was an influence of inspiration and motivation is now what imprisons us. It tells us we aren’t worth anything at all if we’re not 110% perfect.
But that simply is not true.
We don’t have to be the ideal to be worthy of love, respect and happiness.
15% body fat doesn’t mean you’re worth more than those who have 30%.
7 figures a year doesn’t give you the right to more love than 5 figure earners.
The title/body/materialistic goal you’re after doesn’t magically hold the confidence you seek. It’s here for you now, qualifications aside.
You may look at the world and see the high achievers as “on top,” but I assure you they have just as many problems as you face now. Their confidence issues aren’t cured because they reached a certain state of physicality. Their money woes may have been replaced with fears of losing what they worked so hard for.
You may read that and logically understand it, but I implore you to explore it deeper this time. What do you believe at your core to be true?
We extremists most often have beliefs that lead us to overachieve. Beliefs that require us to have more, be more, to excel at anything we do otherwise we don’t do it at all.
The longing for perfection comes from a belief that if we are not the ideal, we are not worth anything at all.
No physical state in this life is immune to Fear and struggle. The only state at which that begins to be possible is the internal state of unconditional Love and acceptance, and even in this case, it’s not a question of “immunity,” but of resilience.
If you are a person of extremes like me, I urge you to begin questioning if the stress over surface goals is truly worth the energy.
Would it be possible to meet your extreme actions in the middle?
Would it be possible to find some acceptance and Love for the state you’re in now?
Would it be possible to replace judgment of others with acceptance and Love?
These questions open the door to a path of flow, ease and unattachment that allows you to begin to enjoy your life no matter what you have or haven’t achieved. This, I’m beginning to realize, is the key to real happiness and inner peace.
I write to make myself accountable to this. It’s as hard for me as it may be for you. But maybe if we do this together, we can start a self-love revolution. Maybe we can change the way our children see the world and what determines their worth. Maybe we can save them from the perfectionism that torments us day in and day out. Maybe we can be the change just by living it ourselves.
I’m going to try, and I invite you to join me. If you’re game, tweet your commitment:
Here’s to our imperfect – yet worthy – existence.