As a human being, one of our greatest fears is laying it all out there. We’ll blame others, we’ll hurt others, we’ll deny deny deny, all to avoid experiencing the despair of vulnerability.
We’ll drive ourselves into the darkness by refusing to acknowledge this essential part of our being.
But what if I told you that being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness? What if I told you that allowing yourself to acknowledge your humanity in this way would open you up to all kinds of opportunities you’re actively avoiding in your life right now? What if I told you that becoming vulnerable is a straight shot to finding your inner strength?
These are facts, my friends. Vulnerability can be your door to dream fulfillment and today, I’m going to show you why and how.
why we fear vulnerability
Vulnerability has a double meaning, the most common one being weakness. If a castle is vulnerable to attacks, it will most likely fall prey to those who want to rule it. The castle is weak, so the kingdom is unprepared and just not smart for not building its defenses.
That’s how most people justify their choice to wall up and protect themselves. They don’t want to be defeated at every turn. They want to stay strong and hard, impervious to attacks… the only catch is they’re also walled up against the wonders that would come to them otherwise.
The definition I prefer to use for vulnerability in us as human beings, however, is the courage to be your true self. Being vulnerable in my dictionary means allowing yourself to present you just as you are. You recognize your faults and when you are wrong, but you also know your talents and blessings.
But what happens if we get rejected or attacked when we’re vulnerable? Well, it hurts a hell of a lot more because the person attacking is seeing us for who we truly are. We don’t have those defense masks on, so we can’t blame the rejection or judgment on our alter egos (or the face we put on for others so they don’t see who we truly are). That’s why we’re scared to put ourselves out there. We learn after doing it once, that it’s an intensity of emotion we don’t wish to ever experience again.
When you put your full self out there, there’s a lot more to lose.
Ok, on to my argument for why you should risk it…
So you’re probably not sold on the fact that allowing yourself to be vulnerable can in fact empower you. I can understand that. Let me open up some windows for you, shed a little light on it.
By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you are recognizing your full humanity. No one is strong at all times. No one is right at all times. We all have our moments in which we don’t know the answer or have made the wrong choice.
To acknowledge that is a step toward taking action to right your wrongs, and therefore, a step toward creating life on your terms.
If you’re stuck in a dark room, it’s going to take you a lot longer to find your way out if you keep your eyes shut and refuse to accept that you were thrust into that room at all. But if you open your eyes, they will adjust. They will take in the darkness, as frightening as it may be, and they will start seeing the dimmest of lights, and soon the sliver of light that points your way out will be apparent.
In order to actively seek your way out of the pain, the struggle, the “stuck-ness” you’re feeling, acknowledge that you’re in the darkness.
It’s ok not to know what to do. It’s ok if you made a choice that led you down a path you didn’t expect. But it you keep shutting your eyes, you’re not going to find your way out easily.
Take responsibility for where you are, even if it’s not your fault. You can come out of this. Just open up to it.
This is where inner strength comes from. This deep place where your self lives.
When you are open and raw, it allows you to seek help and guidance to overcome it. You can recognize the actions that must be taken in order for you to be yourself, happily and healthily.
So how do you open up? It’s easier said than done. Here are some action steps you can take today to create the kind of courageous vulnerability I suggest you live in.
let’s get raw
The first step to getting vulnerable is putting aside your ego.
All those defenses, those fronts you put up for the world. Drop them. This takes conscious effort. Ask yourself:
When I meet someone new, how do I act?
If the answer is anything but “like myself,” you have defense masks to work on. Those are what I want you to drop right now.
This may take some time. Hang in there and keep trying.
Acknowledge what you truly believe and how you really feel.
Once that mask is dropped, there is probably still a layer of resistance we have to work our way through. Ask yourself:
What are my core beliefs? What do I value most?
Write these down. They’ll be useful to look at later when your mask tries to attach itself to you again.
If you’re got those down, now ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
You’re probably experiencing some fear. That’s good; start from there. What are you afraid of? Why?
Are you afraid that people are going to realize who you truly are? What’s wrong with that?
Are you scared to be rejected for your core self? Why do you need them in your life if they don’t support and love you for who you are?
This may get emotional, but finding out who you truly are under all those layers is worth it.
If you’re in the darkness, start letting your eyes adjust.
It’s completely ok to look deep into yourself and feel like you could use some self-work. Actually, it’s a wonderful thing if you do. Now you have this opportunity to start seeing those beams of light that can help you out. Ask yourself:
What actions need to be taken to get out of this darkness?
Do you need to ask for help? Do you need to take action on things you’ve been procrastinating on?
The more lights you start following, the easier it’s going to be to find your way out.
Once you’re out of the darkness (or if you weren’t in it at all), embrace who you are, and share yourself with the world.
All that fear, all those hesitations, I want you to push through them and put yourself out there today.
You were born to be your unique, vibrant self.
Let your freak flag fly if you have one.
Embrace your enthusiasm for whatever the hell you get excited about.
Let others think what they think and don’t give a hot damn.
Because you are something to be celebrated. This life, this beating heart of yours, was given to you for a reason.
This core self of yours is the source of all your true strength. This is where you will be able to empower yourself in a lasting, sticky way.
Sharing yourself with the world is a gift to all of us. We need you here. Let this be your purpose.
why am i so adamant about vulnerability?
Because for so long, I refused to face my life. I wouldn’t deal with anything I was feeling. I’d push it down deeper because I was determined to “stay strong” and push through it.
Only, I wasn’t pushing through anything. I was saving it for later when it erupted in a fiery ball of fury.
I don’t want to see that happen to you.
When I was finally able to be honest with myself, how I felt about my life choices, and take responsibility for where I wanted my life to be, I was able to finally realize my life purpose. That’s something I do want for you.
So whether you’re struggling through a tough situation, or if you’re living at the top of the world, vulnerability can help open you up to opportunities to better your life, and to find your true strength.
It’s happening to me, over and over. Every time I allow myself to get more vulnerable by reaching higher and putting my full self out there, I am rewarded… even if that reward comes after a rejection or two. ;)
30-Day Challenge Check-In
We’ve reached the last week of the Keep Going 30-Day Challenge! You must be feeling pret-ty good right about now. I know I am.
I’m centered, clear, and focused. How about you?
It’s the final few days, guys. Finish out strong!
Please don’t forget to chickity check The 30×30 Project out on IndieGoGo! We’re almost halfway through and I could use a little help to be completely vulnerable in front of you guys. Please share with those you care about; one of them may actually need the movement more than you know. Navigate over by clicking here.
Stay strong, guys,