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Stop Playing The Victim: Choose To Be The Hero of Your Own Life


Welcome everyone from TWLOHA, Suitcase Entrepreneur and Bootcamp Ideas! I hope this site helps empower you to create your ideal life!

In the midst of all the amazing things going on with the hope movement, I have been hearing from quite a few brave people who have shared their stories with me.

I’ve heard from people struggling to cope with loss. I’ve heard from those fighting the dark depths of depression, bipolar disorder, self-harm and borderline personality disorder. I’ve heard from someone who is in an inpatient program right now.

They tell me that, though they have trouble believing that they’ll overcome this darkness, this movement gives them hope.

This message that we’re spreading, this warmth and support that we’re putting out there for people who are in so much pain; it’s working.

Reading these stories brings me back to one of the major turning points in my life that I haven’t yet discussed with you all yet…

It was only a few years ago (4 maybe), and I was still in that rough-and-tumble stage of get-up-and-fall-down-again. I was so tired of failing, getting beat up by my constant negative thoughts.

I had just been left by a boyfriend I thought was my everything, and I felt lost and empty.

I was having lunch with a friend of mine who was trying to motivate me to pick myself back up again. As we were talking about actions to take, I broke.


“I’m just so tired of being the victim,” I sobbed.


My friend tried to comfort me as well as he knew how, but this emptiness wouldn’t fill… until I got home that night.

I started thinking about being the victim, and I realized:

If I wanted to stop being the victim in my life, I had to stop accepting the role.

The next day, I made a conscious choice to stop playing the victim in my own life, and to instead start being the heroine.

I decided to commit to all these actions to create the heroic life I wanted to lead:

  • I would speak and act from a place of love, as all my heroes did.
  • I would put my health first (over partying and falling for boys who would emotionally tear me apart).
  • I wouldn’t spend time with people who drained my energy if I could help it.
  • I would commit to pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, including socializing more (I’m an introvert, so I have to push myself to do this), striving for bigger dreams, and having the courage to take action on those dreams.

Over the next few years, I created the life I want to lead because of my refusal to play the victim. Every time my tendency to despair creeps in, I ask myself, “What action can I take to be the heroine of my own life?”

I am healthier, happier, and stronger than I have ever been, and it’s all due to the conscious choice I made.

So what does this have to do with you?


Today, I want you to stop playing the victim.


No matter where you are in life, you always have the choice to be a victim, or to be a hero.

Today, you start choosing to be the hero of your own life.

Every time you start to sink into despair, thinking:

“Getting healthy is too hard”

“These thoughts won’t ever stop”

“I hate my job”

“I can’t do this anymore”

“I am not strong enough”


Take a deep breath.

Ask yourself: “How can I be my own hero?”

What actions can you take immediately to empower yourself to feel better, be healthier, and live the life you want?

This is where I want you to live. This place of self-empowerment and courage.

You are enough. You are worthy of love, respect and an epic life.

But you must choose to make them yours.

I made my choice. Now you make yours.


In the comments below:

If you’re choosing to be a hero starting today, write “I’m a hero,” here to publicly declare that you’re putting an end to self-victimization.

Do you know someone who could use this message of empowerment? Share it with them using the buttons to the left (or if this is an email, using the buttons below).

You can do this. You can take the power back in your life and start making it what you envision it to be.

Looking forward to reading your stories, heroes.

Stay strong, guys,


P.S. Are you gonna be in LA on February 2nd? Consider this my official invitation to come join The Strong Inside Out Color Run group at Dodger Stadium at 9 am! The Color Run is a ridiculously fun, not-too-fast 5k in which runners get blitzed with color throughout the race. I’d love to have you on our team! Send me a message, and I’ll send you an invite to sign up (required to be part of the team).

P.P.S. Tomorrow marks 1 full week on IndieGoGo. If you haven’t checked out the 30×30 Project yet, please click here to navigate over there and share or donate if you want to help me convince those who are struggling that hope is real.

pic credits: victim, pin background

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57 responses to “Stop Playing The Victim: Choose To Be The Hero of Your Own Life”

  1. Jennifer says:

    I am a hero! Thank you Amy, for your always insightful posts. I am proud of myself today because on January 1 – I weaned myself off my anti-depressants and have started eating right, exercising, and networking for ways I can give back to my community. It’s working! I feel healthier, happier, and stronger than ever. Thank you!

    • Amy says:


      That is so amazing. I’m so proud (in a non-condescending way) of you. :) Keep going. You’re doing it!

  2. Áine says:

    Great article Amy, really inspiring. You’re a a hero to us all who find, read or meet you.

  3. James says:

    Hi Amy,

    You hit on two things here that speak to me directly, and the message of this post is so appropriate. Coincidence? I don’t know lol. The woman that I thought was my everything abruptly left me a month and a half ago for another man. I have felt very lost and have had no idea who I am now. I am also an introvert, like you, and I have trouble socializing as well. The last six years of my life with her have been all about HER. I’ve had no social life outside of the relationship. I’m definitely scared to get back out there and meet new people, try new things. I’m doing it though. I’m doing it because of my desire to be happy again, and because I too am tired of playing the victim. I’m thankful for this post, you’re message has great timing for me, and helps re-enforce what I’m trying to do. Thanks Amy!


    • James says:

      Oops, I forgot to say, “I am a Hero!!” :)

      • Amy says:

        I am so thankful for you, your honesty, and your courage to be vulnerable here with us, James. I’m quite sure you’ve helped someone else out there feel less alone by revealing your truth here. Thank you.

        You are most certainly a hero. You have turned that around, and I am so happy for you! Keep it up!

        P.S. Thanks so much for donating to 30×30! Nothing is too little, btw. I appreciate every cent!

    • Dave says:

      G’day James,

      As a fellow introvert who has been there (and found my path to happiness), I’d like to extend an offer to ‘lend an ear’ if you’d like to. You can see my ‘five things about me’ on Amy’s ’27 things’ page. Note that I am not a therapist, psychologist or medical professional, but I am more than happy to help.

      • Amy says:

        I love that support, Dave. Thank you for offering that!

      • James says:

        Thanks Dave, I appreciate the support as well!

      • James says:

        Hey Dave, I saw that you have grapheme synesthesia, which I became familiar with when I watched the Documentary “The boy with the incredible brain”, about Daniel Tammet. I can imagine that it would be cool and frustrating at the same time!

        • Dave says:

          For me it is mostly cool, but yes it can be frustrating – but sometimes you don’t even register the reason why it is frustrating, as it all happens without you consciously thinking about it. The weird part is when you feel colours about peoples names, or when you feel colours as you play music.

          Anyway James, I’m happy to offer my support as you work through this.

  4. Nicole says:

    This post is yet another sign from The Universe that I need to stop letting my depression and anxiety control me. There have been many signs, but I’ve been ignoring them. It takes me forever to decide to do things, but I am so tired of the crazy playing out in my head. It is exhausting. Today I’m going to be my own hero and call around to get some help.

    Thank you Thank You Thank You.

    • Amy says:

      Yes Yes Yes! Nicole, I am so happy to have had some part in your decision to reach out for help. That’s what this movement is about!

      With hope,


  5. Hanne says:

    I’m a Hero.

  6. Eve says:

    I am the heroine in my life’s tale… not a fairytale but a very good tale ~

  7. Amy posts like these make me wish I was in California, so we could be friends! :)

  8. Mary Thomas says:

    YOur timing of this post is impeccable. Amy this is my first visit here but after reading this post, I will genuinely be coming for more. This is a very insightful blog indeed, I have written- I am the heroine in my life on a sticky note on my laptop. Life sometimes gets the most of you and trust me the family you love may catch you in the most vulnerable situation. Thanks for helping me make a difference.

  9. Troy says:

    I lost my job this week and have tried to hide from the fear of going through the process of finding another job. Long days in bed with the covers over my head. I have read so much crap on the Internet trying to find motivation and positive inspiration. I happened across your site and…WOW! Such wisdom from such a young person. Let’s just say that I’m away older than you. I will continue to read this post when I need a swift kick in the ass! Any other words for those of us out of the mainstream for a little bit?

    • Amy says:

      Hey Troy! Thanks for the kind words. I’m really sorry to hear about your job situation and the fear that you’re going through right now.

      The best advice I can give you right now is to get outside. Even though it’s the last thing you may feel like doing, take some kind of action that you know will help you feel better. Take a walk, go grab a coffee, or go see a stupid movie. Seriously, these sound like generic pieces of advice, but they’re things that have actually helped me in the past.

      Please just don’t give up. You’re not alone. You’ll get through this.

  10. Willie says:

    I AM A HERO!!!!!!

  11. Tiffany says:

    I am a hero. Thank you Amy.

  12. Mary says:

    Thank you so much for this post- it’s something I have really needed to hear. I have been struggling with binge eating disorder for the past three years and have thought of it as something that was always going to be part of my life. I have now realized that I no longer need to be the victim, I can and WILL be the Heroine of my own story. I deserve it to be healthy, happy and most of all love myself. Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

    • Amy says:

      My pleasure, Mary. It warms my heart to hear you say that. The Strong Inside Out community is here for you as you go on this journey! Feel free to reach out whenever!

  13. shz says:

    i m heroin not victim

  14. Maritza Meza says:

    I am the hero, I have been waiting for, to my own life. Thank you so much! Your story really inspires me! <3

  15. Jane says:

    Dear Amy, yes! I was looking for my fears to be reflected back in a positive way. I have just been through the eorst heartbreak of my life, never wishing it on anyone and any pleasure that may have been there was wiped out by the subsequent pain. Sometimes I feel very angry with my ex lover because I thought all along he was deliberate in playing the victim and abuser cycle but today I opened your page and felt a deeper yes in my heart, it is time now to wake up and live as the hero or risk being miserable for life.. sometimes it takes us to the limit to recognise this, so full of thanks to you

  16. Marissa says:

    I am the heroine of my life!!

  17. jenny says:

    I just went through a break up with my husband who was cheating on me and always putting me down. I also found out he was using me the whole time to get his debts paid off. I just met a man two months ago and we just broke up because of how i treat him. He treated me with respect was always there when i needed him. He always tried to make me feel better and i always put him down or thought he was doing the same thing my husband did to me. He lives in New York I stay in Wisconsin so there is a lot of distance between us. I met him a month after my husband left to be with the girl he was cheating on me with. As of today im going to be a hero and stop playing the victim. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

    • Amy says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been in pain, Jenny, and I wish you all the best as you move forward stronger from it. You can and you will.

  18. Phil says:

    I’m a Hero! Been struggling with serious depression and wanting to hide away after a divorce that occurred a year and a half ago. So clear now how I have played the victim for years and keep doing so without even knowing it. It’s all about what you tell yourself.

    Thanks so much for this encouraging message. So true, you’re 100% responsible.

  19. Mel says:

    I am a hero! Thank you for the post, it really is amazing. I will probably return to this page repeatedly while I struggle out of my own depression. Very inspirational stuff!

  20. Wendy says:

    I’m a Hero!
    Thanks, Amy!

  21. aishna says:

    I am the heroine of my life :) thanq for such wonderful.words :)

  22. Kristin says:

    Wow. Waiting to be validated by certain people has ruled my life. I’m turning 40 on Sunday and have realized through therapy that I’ve been in victim mode!! I didn’t know!! I just love how you wrote that we need to be our own hero. I’m hoping this light bulb moment will break me free from depression and anxiety. Thank you!!!! I’m a hero!

  23. Megha says:

    I’m a Hero.

  24. Sarika says:

    Hi Amy,
    Thanks for the post. I have been struggling with multiple issues and taking therapy for last 6 months. I slipped into depression again last week, but I didn’t want to. Reading this article makes me believe in my ability to bring the change I am working on for last 6 months.
    I am the HEROINE of my life.
    Thanks a ton. God bless you!!!

  25. […] moment I decided to stop playing the victim, my life changed forever. Since I’ve experienced this […]

  26. Reka says:

    I am going to play the hero role, like the old days! No more victim for me! Thank you very much for your post.

  27. Barbara says:

    I am as of this date I am a hero in my life!!!! I was brutal abused by a sociopath Mother I have been in treatment the last 4+ months trying every medication to snap me out of the depression I’m in along with anxiety and ptds from all that I endured. .. then I stumbled across your page and read your story it paralleled mine in many ways I feel if you had the inner strength to make an incredible come back so can I.. so you have inspired me to no longer be the victim and though I’m older I can still follow my dream and be very successful with them. Before reading your page I truly felt my life was over but now I’m going to rewrite the ending! You have helped me so so much.. you truly are a blessing to all you come in contact with thank you so much and may God bless you always ♡

  28. Matt says:

    I’m a hero :)

  29. John says:

    I’m a hero!

    Thank You!

  30. Dannie says:

    Good article. I’m going my own journey of finding my true happiness. I realise I’m going to Write the book I’ve thought about for years to help myself and others!! Keep on going on your Journey!!

  31. Alejandra says:

    I am a hero. I try. I really really try. I’m tired of failing. I don’t know where to start though… Food? Exercise? I just want to feel try joy for life.
    I have this wonderful 7 years old daughter that believes I am the best momma ever. And it is so very sad to not feel like that inside. I’m tired of this feeling.
    I have this two great dogs that look at me with their big loving eyes and are the happiest when I am around. And I keep breaking the promise of taking them for a walk every day. Because there’s always something else. And that something else is usually just the stupid TV. The one I just turned off. And it’s 10:38am. My daughter is at school and I said I was going to finish my studies and become a personal trainer because I’ve been trying to do that for years now. Because being a fitness instructor makes me happy. And I still haven’t done it. And it’s 10:39am now. I’m taking my dogs for a walk.

    Thank you, Amy.

  32. Alejandra says:

    * true joy
    * not to feel
    * “these” two great dogs

  33. Rogue girl says:

    I am struggling right now. I can see I have played the role of victim for quite some time- in the workplace , in my friendships. It isn’t working, even if it was I don’t want to be a victim. I don’t have a solid plan right now- just doing reading and yoga. I was thinking about writing more but that would prob just be an attempt to make you feel sorry for me…. I wish I understood why I think this is desirable.
    I am the hero of my life.

  34. David says:

    I AM A HERO! I have spent my entire life admiring them in books and movies, all the while being the victim in my own life. What I never realized until now is that, heroes don’t live a special or blessed life. They face hardships and loss just like the victims do. The difference is, victims see defeat as inevitable, a done deal waiting to be played out. Heroes on the other hand, refuse to accept defeat and search for ways to use the resources they have on hand to become heroes. Yes they face defeat many times trying… but they keep trying until the law of averages swings in their favor and they win. It turns out the secret, and the dividing line between victims and losers is not being super special and better than everyone else. It is simply not giving up. Sooner or later you will beat the odds and succeed. And when you do, life becomes sweeter that you ever imagined it could be. I would love to insert a glowing testimony here of how I did just that. The fact is, this is what I have just learned and have decided to make happen in my life. I am sure there are enough testimonies already that would fit nicely here. So I will leave it to you to do just that. Search for them, find them, and compare them to what I have said. My hope… no… my resolve is that I will accomplish in my own life what others have already. At such time I will return here and post my results as either hero or victim… only time and determination will tell.

  35. Ivy says:

    I am a hero. Thank you!

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