Oh yee-ah. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, y’all.
Snow will be drifting down onto rooftops…
Children staring in wonder through glowing, nose-printed glass windows…
And you’ll be waiting in line all day to make sure your little one gets this generation’s Tickle Me Elmo…
Ah, the holidays.
Well, this year, let’s take all that pent-up angst from waiting in infinite lines and braving the interminable crowds and use it to get in freakin’ awesome shape this month.
You may have read my last post, Don’t Let Your Thanksgiving Become A REGRETSgiving!, in which case you feel just fine today…
But in case you conveniently missed that one ( ;) ), you’re probably aching for redemption from last night’s meal.
Well, folks, here ’tis in all its glory. May I introduce to you:
THE BLACK FRIDAY WORKOUT!
I’d like to remind you that if you choose to partake in this workout, you do so at your own risk. I am not liable for any injury, mental anguish or security interference, so be careful and respectful of others please!
The Perfect Present Push Up
You know how finding that perfect present makes you feel almost explosive? Well, now you can prove it…
With your hands on a railing or otherwise sturdy raised surface, walk your feet back until you’re in a plank, hands in front and slightly wider than your shoulders. Keeping your plank straight, lower your chest until it almost hits the railing, then push off with enough force to leave the railing just about an inch from your hands (see picture). As you come back to grasp the railing, descend slowly and with control into your next pushup. Do 10-20 until you’re breathing hard and your shoulders are burning.
Door-Buster Deep Squat
The only thing that’s gonna be harder than your glutes after doing this exercise is leaving without buying that flat screen at 50% off…
Grab a printer and do deep squats with it. Sink as low as you can into a squat (keep your weight in your heels), then squeeze your glutes to come back to standing. Back straight, abs in! Do 10-20 reps. Bonus points for printer-scanners!
The Toy-Aisle Toiler
Take out your agression from maneuvering around less-than-jolly shoppers all day…
Grab 2 Lego sets, then raise them out in front of you with straight arms to shoulder height. Then, bring them out to your sides, keeping your arms straight and the Lego sets at shoulder height. Bring them back in front of you, then lower with control down to your hips for 1 rep. Do 10-20 (depending on how expensive the Lego sets are).
You’ve finally gotten in line… aaaaaaaand it’s half a mile long. Don’t fret! You can make sure no one’s cuttin’ in line while you cut your own lines into those washboard abs!
Standing behind your cart, pull the area right underneath your belly button toward your spine. Flexing your right foot and keeping your hands on your cart, bring your right knee up to your left hand, then place your foot back down on the floor. Repeat with your left leg for 1 rep. Continue until you’re at the front of the line.
The Push-Me-Again-I-Dare-You Plank
Every time another shopper brushes you, you owe me 10 seconds of a plank hold. Keep count on a notepad or on your phone.
When you’ve left the store, before returning to your car, hold a plank in front of the store (off to the side and out of harm’s way please) for the seconds you racked up! A bench is one of the safest places to hold a plank. If you don’t feel comfortable in front of the store, that’s fine. Add another 20 seconds if you wanna do it at home :)
So here’s the best part: I want to see proof that you’re working it on your day off.
Let’s sweeten the deal a bit with a little giveaway. Here are the steps to take:
1. Take a picture of you doing any of the above exercises in the actual store.
3. The person who posts my favorite picture by the end of the weekend will receive a free link to my ebook, Make This Your Moment: A Step-by-Step Guide to Changing Your Life… for Good!
Feel free to make these festive: get those elf hats on, put a menora in your cart, decorate your toys in tinsel! Be creative! Just don’t get in trouble or do anything dangerous, please!
And here’s the workout all together in its own Pinnable jolliness:
Please note: The store in these pictures had nothing to do with this workout so please don’t get angry at them for any of it!