Dealing With Your Worst Critic: YOU
First off, I want to offer a warm welcome to new readers who just came over from my guest post on ManVsDebt, 3 Steps To Help You Stop Wasting Your Life. Welcome, everyone! I hope you enjoy the empowering, supportive community here at Strong Inside Out!
It’s beach time, everyone!
The weather is hot, the skimpy clothes are coming out…. and things might be a bit tighter this year than they were the last time you put them on…
…Aaaaaand you might be feeling like it’s the end of the world.
Hold on.
If the picture above made your heart skip a beat in a bad way, you’re not alone.
Take a breath in.
Now breathe out.
Don’t get so down on yourself; that won’t get you anywhere you want to be.
I’ve been hearing a lot lately from friends, clients, family members and readers that they’re not happy with the way they physically look.
Most of you are aware of this thought I’m about to introduce, but I want you to start believing it:
You will always be your own worst critic.
As a personal trainer in LA, I see a lot of skewed body image.
Girls who are in great shape come to me looking to lose 10 lbs, which is all fine and dandy until they tell me how fat they think they are.
“Dude, you’re a size 4 and 5’9″!” I want to yell at them.
It comes down to the fact that these people don’t see what other people see. When they look in the mirror or at pictures, they only see their faults instead of all the things that look UH-mazing.
You know how I know so much about this? I have it, too….
Old habits die hard, my friends, and I routinely have to talk myself out of the tendency to nitpick and get down on myself.
Sound familiar?
Most of us over-judge ourselves to some extent because we have come to be so critical as a society. I personally think the media has a lot to do with it, flashing images of insanely fit celebrities and models in front of us 24-7, then ripping them apart whenever a dimple shows up on the back of someone’s thigh, but let’s not get into the blame game…
What I want to cover today is the process of talking yourself out of that very heady place that tells you, “You’re fat,” or “You’re ugly,” or “If you could only lose/tone this part, you’d be so much better.”
These thoughts can spiral out of control if you let them. So let’s nip them in the bud so that you can start taking action and feeling good about YOU.
What are you thinking?
So you just looked in the mirror. What are you thinking right now?
Identify the exact thoughts you are having.
I’ll share some of my past thoughts I’ve had to address to give you an idea:
“Hey there, big thighs.”
“My tummy really hangs out in this.”
“Armpit fat, ahoy!”
“If I could just lose 10 lbs, I’d be so happy.”
That last thought is what a lot of people get stuck in, and one that I want to stop right here and now.
There is no guarantee that you will be a happier person after losing weight, so do not wait to achieve it to start being happy.
There are so many aspects of your personality and your life that don’t show up in that mirror that make you beautiful, that make you worthy.
So you don’t look like a supermodel? That’s awesome! You have so much else going for you besides just looks.
And other than that, so what if you’re not 100 lbs and 6′ tall?! About 2% of the entire world is!
When you compare your shape, your looks to others, you’re fighting a losing battle.
You don’t look like anyone else, just like you don’t think, act, or create like anyone else.
And this is a good thing. No, this is an extraordinary thing.
You are the only YOU out there. No one else can add what you have to offer to the world. That’s pretty powerful.
Now to address the former thoughts…
Re-focus
So you’re judging the way you look. There’s just no way around that sometimes.
Judgment can be a good thing: it helps us to see what we’re not happy with and what we want to change.
It’s when our judgment pushes us into a negative state that it becomes less helpful than harmful.
I’m going to propose that you re-focus your eye on the things you’re proud of.
Thinking about your muffin top? Look at those guns that allow you to do 10 straight push ups!
Staring at the lack-o-gap in between your thighs? Turn around and look at your amazingly perky rear view!
Stuck on the back pudge? Focus instead on your intensely beautiful eyes.
Start making it a point to notice all the great things you have going for you. We all have them.
Make an effort to train your eye away from the dwelling, negative state and onto the positive, accepting state.
From this point of positivity and peace, we can start to work on the things you’re not too keen on without coming from a desperate place that would drive you to change for all the wrong reasons. When you want to make changes from a powerful, positive place, they’ll stick.
Are you taking action?
Ok, so here’s where we need to get a little more serious.
There are some people out there (no names!) who will complain, complain, complain about themselves and the way they look, and then go back to eating processed, over-sugared junk and not working out.
What?!
As insane as it sounds, we’re all guilty of it.
You can make all the excuses in the world, but in the end, all that will do is keep you in the same place you are right now.
One of my favorite quotes is from Richard Bach:
But hey, I used to be that way, too. When I realized that I had the choice to take responsibility for the way I looked, and that I had the power to change it, it was like my entire world flipped around.
I get a lot of emails that lament, “if I could just take your advice…”
Well, let me ask you right now,
Why can’t you?
No, really. Why can’t you get up and do something?
What’s holding you back besides your own excuses, fear, or laziness?
Now, you all know how I feel about waiting to change your life. Hell, I wrote a book about it.
You may just need to catch a case of the get-up-and-do-somethings.
The moment you start taking action (that first step), I promise you’ll feel better.
Knowing that you’re DOING something about the situation that makes you unhappy will lighten the pressure you may feel from staying stagnant.
I know it did for me.
Throw away the crap in your house that’s not doing anyone any good.
Start moving: go for a walk, lift something heavy, take the stairs, do some pilates, drop and give me 20 (…or 5).
Just DO. Take action to change your life and you will.
So what about you? Are you going to change your body and your life?
I wanna hear it!
In the comments below, tell me what’s amazing about you that you’re going to start focusing on (instead of your “flaws”) or what action you can start taking this week to make yourself feel good from the inside out!
Hey, have you checked out the Strong Inside Out community on Facebook yet? I’ve got some pretty cool boards on Pinterest, too. Not to mention my tweets are must-reads… ;)
If you dig this post, you’ll want to check out these, too: Stop Should-ing Your Life Away, Love Where You’re At, and Stop Dwelling And Glow.
photos 1 & 4 by me, photos 2 & 3 by Helga Weber
Hi, Amy,
I get the feeling that my last FB post inspired this article!
You’re absolutely right, though. Why am I obsessing about ONE LITTLE (well, it doesn’t look LITTLE to me) part of my body, when so much of THE REST OF ME is pretty near PERFECT?
I’m glad you wrote about this. I needed this little kick in the pants.
I’m strong, and getting stronger with my new strength regime.
I’m able to dance en pointe, run (well, I don’t like to run much), jump, play, hike, walk, crouch, roll, anything I want. 2 years ago, before I got my hip replaced, I couldn’t even walk to the end of the driveway.
I can put my palms flat on the floor while standing with my knees straight.
My arms are AWESOME! My calves are AWESOME! My tummy is FLAT! I have a really nice “cut” where my butt meets the back of my thighs (tmi?)
Oh, and one more thing. I’m on the far end of 58 years old.
Thank you, for helping me to put everything back into perspective.
It might have had a little to do with it ;) No, but seriously, as summer comes around, I hear this from A LOT of people. It wasn’t targeted at you at all, I promise!
I am glad, though, that this post gave you some perspective! You are so amazingly beautiful! Focus on those qualities you love and let the other ones just be.
P.S. You have abs at 58. ‘Nuff said. ;)
Amy,
I for one have definitely fallen victim to being my own worse enemy at times.
When I was younger I was always concerned about my weight. When I was in 5th grade I weighed 165 pounds… I now weigh 170 pounds (and I’m 29 years old).
Because I was an overweight kid and for some of college as well, I have always been conscious of it. Even when I am in good shape I have still struggled with it.
I am in a very good place now, and feel pretty good about myself.
What am I going to do to feel good from the inside out?
I am going to read some awesome books this weekend, connect with friends via skype (I live in Japan), go on a run, and cook an awesome dinner. I will also call my mom :)
Izzy recently posted..It Turns Out Size Doesn’t Matter…
I am ever-inspired by your story, Izzy! What a massive accomplishment (pun intended ;) )!
YOur weekend sounds perfect! How’s the weather over there in Japan? Is it über humid?
Thanks so much for writing this article Amy. As corny as it sounds, it really ‘spoke’ to me!
Im seriously guilty of this and its time I start cutting the negativity out of my life. Im a terrible one for standing at the mirror and pointing out all the things I hate about myself and then proceeding to eat shit food and sit on my bum and do nothing about it.
Time to end the pity party!
I have beautiful blue eyes and a lovely smile. Im tall and curvy and (according to the mister) have great boobs! My body may not be the size I want it to be but it held my beautiful baby and brought him into the world – it is, I am, capable of amazing things and its time I started to realise this!
I want to get strong and healthy. Since finding your blog this week you’ve inspired me to start really taking responsibilty for my choices with regard to food and exercise. Im watching what goes into my mouth and making better decisions. Heading to a yoga class tomorrow for the first time too – wish me luck!
Im a work in progress and thats ok!
Hey Alison!
Welcome to the site! So glad to have you as part of the community!
It doesn’t sound corny at all to me… but maybe that’s because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to have written something that speaks to you. :)
Kudos to you for finding all those beautiful, strong parts of you to focus on!
OOH, yoga! Please do let me know how it goes! I’ll have more fun stuff for you to do soon here, too (fun workouts and such).
The beauty of life is that we are all works in progress and each and every one of us has the choice to either work toward growth or work to stay the same/decline. The realization that this choice is ours to make is enlightening to say the least. Sounds like you’re choosing growth!
Looking forward to hearing more about your journey soon!
Hi Amy,
So much of our self-image is about the thoughts we have, and when we realise that we CAN actually choose to ignore the “chattering monkey” and re-focus, amazing things can happen.
It is so easy to get into a downward spiral of negative thoughts – non-action – more negative thoughts – non-action – and so on. And as our actions come from our thoughts…
Great to-the-point post.
Keith recently posted..5 Ways to Stop Your Future Self Hating You
Yes, Keith! That realization that you have the power to refocus is key.
And yes, so easy to not do anything… but when we think of how many days we can waste vs how many days we actually get, it gets a lot harder to sit still.
Thanks for this insight!
This is exactly what I needed to read. I am the Queen of Negativity. I was so depressed and angry that I have gained 12 pounds in the last month. I worked so hard to rid myself of the original 30 I couldn’t believe that I let myself go. Forget all the excuses, I got lazy period. I’ve been so tied up with negative thoughts. Things have been bad for a few years. I kept trying to stay positive, but after some legal trouble, a parent dying from cancer, and in-law who after we tried to help, turned against us completely, I gave up on me. Then I read your post on cutting out the negative people who hurt rather than love me, I slowly began to turn it around and refocus. This month I started a tune up plan. I began a new exercise program & do it 6 days a week. I have been eating wholesome healthy foods and been reminding myself how lucky I am. I have a great husband, we have a nice home, we are healthy(other than the excess weight), and I remind myself I am a really good person. I’ve been feeling more positive and realize I have the power to change things!
Wow, Paula! Congrats on all your achievements over the past few months!
The important thing is that you are taking action NOW. When that negativity rears its ugly head again, at least now you’ll know what it looks like!
I’m really happy to hear that you’re turning things back around. 6 days a week! That’s great!
You know what helped me in the beginning? A gratitude journal. It sounds so new-age hippie, but writing down what I’m grateful for as well as reading it later fills me with such joy! Hope it helps you too!
I did that gratitude thing. Each day I said positive 6 positive things about me. Example is saying/thinking I am a good person, I have good health, I have a great marriage, I am smart, etc and I made sure I did it each day and it really did turn my negative thinking into positive thinking. And I miss keyed when I said I gained 12 pounds in a month, I meant 6 months. So I know it will take time to lose the weight and the negative thinking. I just have to put my big girl pants on and just do it. I have the power to overcome.